“Stress is nothing more than a socially acceptable form of mental illness.” -Richard Carlson
We all have those moments in life that forever change the way we perceive the world. They are like forks on the road where you have to turn left or right. Of course, some people, despite the fork, choose to keep going straight. Those people are often called “stoners.”
Following is a list of 3 of the more stressful moments that ever happened in my life. Please don’t respond telling me “obviously you don’t know stress” or “I hope that’s the worst thing that ever happens to you.” At the time, these things were extremely stressful:
3. Hurricane
One of my most stressful moments was being stranded at the Maya Tulum yoga retreat with Hurricane Wilma having formed off the Yucatan. It was a Category 5 storm with 175 mph sustained winds. I asked the head of the retreat center what was the evacuation plan at which point her eyes teared up and I knew we were f_cked. This was nothing short of ballraising fear and the most intense form of stress.
2. Circumcision
Another very stressful moment was getting circumcised as a young boy. Need I say more?
1. Any Trip to New York
A trip to New York would not be a trip to New York without an extremely stressful moment. The other night I was standing outside of Penn Station in New York City waiting in a long line to catch a cab. It was cold, windy and rainy; conditions that bring out the worst in New Yorkers.
Cabs were lined up far enough back from the line that some jerks were ignoring the line and jumping in cabs. Those waiting “patiently” in line were cussing and screaming at the “jerks.” Conditions were worsening fast. I thought to myself, “Why are these people so angry and intense? Can’t they just relax?”
The person who stood first in line felt tremendous pressure to grab a cab before a jerk stole it. One needed to be aggressive and box out the jerks. Suddenly I realized it was my turn at the front of the line. I felt naked and alone much like I did walking up the aisle with Rabbi Hescher on my Bar Mitzvah day. The people behind me in line were pressuring me to hurry and make my move.
One could say I’m slightly less than street tough and I pranced over to grab the cab but a jerk in a NY Giants jacket jumped in front of me and swiped it. I never liked the Giants. Now I was in no man’s land; too far away from the line and too close to the jerks. A cab drove right by me and someone from the line jumped in. I was getting frantic. Still another cab drove by the jerks and past me to the front of the line. An old lady was about to get in the cab when I shuffled in front of her. I was positioned beautifully to slide in to the cab’s cozy interior and then it happened:
My umbrella wouldn’t close. I couldn’t get in. It was one of those moments. Angry New Yorkers screaming at me. An old lady freezing in the wind. A cussing taxi cab driver. A driving rain. If this was a yoga pose, it would be holding chaturanga in a crowded class with someone’s stinky feet in your face and the horrible sense that somebody had too many refried beans for lunch. What horrible stress!
And then I thought of a quote by Natalie Goldberg. I turned to the old lady and in a perfect Hallmark moment, I stated the quote: “Stress is an ignorant state. It believes that everything is an emergency. Nothing is that important.”
I jumped in the cab, smiled at the old lady, and left her in the rain to ponder a lesson for the day.
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