“You make a living by what you get. You make a life by what you give.”  –Winston Churchill

Someone once taught me that if another person likes something you have, give it to them. It’s an exercise in generosity and non-attachment. So this dude who occasionally takes my yoga class always would mention how much he liked my Be Present t-shirts.

“You know what,” I told him after class. “I have lots of them. Let’s meet briefly tomorrow and I’ll hook you up with a few.”

I gathered a few Be-Present t’s and headed down to the Coffee Bean to meet him at 5:45pm this past Thursday. Running a few minutes late, I figured it was no big deal and he’d be psyched for his new clothes.

I parked my car at 5:56pm and saw him standing there eagerly (if not anxiously) awaiting my arrival. Shaking his hand with my right, I held in my left hand the stack of brightly colored Be Present t-shirts.

“Here they are,” I said feeling proud of my good and generous deed.

“Thanks, these are great, much appreciated,” he answered taking them in his hand.

We sat down for a brief chat at the Coffee Bean and I prepped myself to receive his glowing praise for my good-hearted nature.

“I don’t have too long, gotta get back to work,” he started off.

“Oh no problem, I have class so that’s perfect.”

“I would have had longer but you were a little late,” he muttered showing me his watch.

“Yeah, but I brought you the shirts,” I replied, a bit taken aback.

“And I appreciate that, but you coulda been on time. I had to leave work to meet you,” he said once again pointing to his watch.

“Wait a second, I came here to bring you these shirts and took time out of my day for you, and you’re mad that I was late?” I declared more than asked.

“Generosity aside, when you’re late, it shows disrespect for another person’s time. So what this means to me is that you like me, but you don’t respect me.”

Now I was getting pissed. Who the hell did this guy think he was? F-cking Gandhi?

“Listen man, it’s 10 minutes out of your day, you come out of this deal with 3 new Be Present tshirts, and all you can think about is that I don’t respect you?”

And then he tried to rise above things by offering me a hug and saying, “It’s no big deal, don’t worry about it.”

But he had the upper hand and I felt belittled. He said goodbye and walking away, he called out, “Have a good class, but hurry or you’ll be late, again!”

In very unyogic-like fashion, I flipped him the double bird, kicked the chair to the ground in disugst, and turned bright red. Of course, that’s the very moment when someone came up to me asking, “Aren’t you my yoga teacher?” That always happens when I do something stupid.

And I was left to ponder:

a.     Was this guy with 3 new Be Present t-shirts actually right? Did my being late really mean I disrespected him?

b.     Was he just a garden variety asshole?

c.     Was my being late hinting at my less-than-pure intentions?

New studies show that when one gives to another, he experiences a euphoric surge of dopamine in the brain otherwise known as a Helper’s High.  After further consideration, I realized I wasn’t giving away these Be Present shirts for the sake of giving. Rather I was giving to get high. The giving was about me, not about him. I guess I’d do anything for a buzz.

It’s interesting to ponder. When performing a charitable act, are you really giving out of the goodness of your heart?  Or are you giving as a boost to your reputation, your buzz, or your tax refund?    A wise one said, “Money is like manure. It’s not worth a thing unless it’s spread around encouraging young things to grow.”   It’s the real million dollar question. “Am I giving away this ‘manure’ to encourage good things? Or am I giving away this manure so I don’t smell like it?”

“When you shift from a compulsion to survive toward a commitment to serve others, your life cannot help but explode into success.”