We lay back on comfy cushions, side by side, hand in hand…gazing.

“Oh look at that one,” Misty said in wonderment.

I was awestruck.

“Oh there’s one! It’s huge!” Misty said enthusiastically while fixing her hippy strands of hair wrapped around her ears.

“Ah, yeah, it’s a nice one,” I hesistantly chimed in.

“Oh my God, look at that it’s bright orange with bits of black!” Misty practically screamed.

Just what were we gazing at, you ask? Comets in the night sky? No. Shooting stars? No. Fireworks? No. Fecal matter? Yes!

I know what you must be thinking. And I agree. It was totally exotic and according to Misty, “Energetically harmonizing, physically detoxifying, and spiritually mystifying. Couples Colonics Therapy is supergroovy and plus, it makes me superhorny.”   *(see below for description of Colonics Therapy or click here to watch video)

Let’s just say Misty was a hippy. I met her after Bryan Kest’s yoga class when I saw her showering in the sprinkler system out front of the Santa Monica Public Library.

“Can I give you some money to maybe get a motel room and a hot shower?” I asked, ever attracted to this hippie’s dirty brand of beauty.

“I’d rather spend my money on showering my insides,” Misty replied while flipping her long, wet hair over her shoulder.

Naturally, I inquired what this meant and the next thing I know, we were watching “our insides” leave our bodies and fall through clear plastic tubing, all the while holding hands and exchanging furtive glances.

But “furtive” didn’t last long. As the attendant removed the nozzles from our schpincters, I waddled out of the building faster than 100 Deadheads stumbling upon a kind green nug. Yes I’d left Misty in the dust but God knows dust was the name of her game.

**********

As so often is the case with “super-wholesome” folks, they’re healthy in one way and lacking in others. They treat themselves to colonics only to shower in the sprinklers.  They opt for the healthier wheat beer but pound 9 of them.  They preach peace only to cuss at a pedestrian walking too slowly across the cross walk. As the movement toward greener, more sustainable living takes hold (thank God), we are starting to see an increase in the “super-wholesome” and super-hypocritical.

I believe humans are as much horny little devils as we are pure little angels. Flap our wings too hard and we’ll soon realize “wind blows out a candle and blows in a fire.” I’m not saying embrace your inner devil. I’m just suggesting moderation is the only way to steer the herd of humanity toward greener, more sustainable living. If we leave the fun behind in the quest to save the earth, what good is the mission?

It’s of the utmost important to go green, to protect the animals, to cleanse your physical, emotional and spiritual being. But shove a vacuum in your schpincter to suck your bowels dry; and you run the risk of accidentally sucking something else into those little plastic tubes. Your soul.

*Note: Colonics Therapy involves a nozzle connected to clear plastic tubing being inserted a small distance into the patient’s rectum. Then, water is repeatedly flushed thru the bowel and the patient can observe “things” leaving their bowel via the tubing. Oh what fun!