“An adventure is only an inconvenience wrongly considered. An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered.” GK Chesterton
I was churning away on the Thighmaster when this guy hopped on the bike next to me. He was from some exotic country (not sure where) and he introduced himself as M’aan Hoor. Turns out he is an author working on a parody of Eat, Pray, Love from a male perspective. How interesting I thought and after a few minutes of conversation, I invited him to join me and my girlfriend on a double date. I’d felt the need to embark on new adventures with new people. Plus it’s always nice to make new friends and the older you get, the harder it is to do.
But let’s be honest. Double dating is risky especially when nobody knows anybody. My girlfriend was very hesitant and nervous about getting caught talking to a strange woman at dinner. We showed up and there was M’aan Hoor standing at the door with his lovely partner who introduced herself as Timantha (see above photo). Timantha was what you might call a “Shim” or “of unknown gender.” Oh gosh, this was going to be a long night I thought.
We sat down for dinner and to break the ice, right away I asked, “So M’aan Hoor, tell us about your book?”
In his exotic accent, M’aan Hoor began a soliloquy on his very strange philosophy, “Well it’s about a married man who decides to leave his marriage and spend 3 months in Daytona making love, 3 months in South Beach making love, 3 more months in South Padre Island making love, and 3 months in Lake Havasu making love.”
My girlfriend’s jaw just about dropped and she kicked me hard under the table. Meanwhile Timantha smiled proudly. Timantha had a subtle mustache and cute hairs protruding from her earlobes. Yet her lips were covered in lipstick. Confusing to say the least.
M’aan Hoor continued, “It’s a story about male urges which are universal to all men everywhere.”
“Um excuse me,” my girlfriend interrupted. “I don’t think that’s true. It better not be true.”
M’aan Hoor calmly retorted, “Yes it’s true. Ask your boyfriend and he will tell you. David tell her it’s true.”
This double date was an instant disaster.
I jumped in, “M’aan Hoor that is not true at all; I would never want to go those places. South Padre Island? Are you kidding?”
There was a moment of silence.
My girlfriend responded, “That wasn’t my point! It’s not about the places! It’s about leaving your marriage to make love to people all over the world?! Is that some kind dream you have?!”
Woops. I buried myself a deep hole. The next 10 seconds seemed like 2 hours.
I tried to make the save, “Of course I wouldn’t do that. But it’s just a book he’s writing and I didn’t like his settings.”
But I missed the point. My girlfriend stood up to leave and I turned to M’aan Hoor, “Thanks for nothing M’aan Hoor.”
Let a lesson be learned. It’s important to push the envelope, try new things, and make new friends. But the awkwardness of double dating let alone double dating shims might best be avoided.
M’aan Hoor’s book, Cheat, Play, Love hits the bookstores in 2010. M’aan Hoor is NOT my friend.
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