The Schtick (Unsubscribe)
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| THIS SCHTICK IS A DOUBLE FEATURE SO IF YOU’RE IN THE MOOD, READ ON:
“Love is my sword, Goodness my armor, Humor my Shield.”
Every week, I’m able to look at a program which tells me who has unsubscribed from my email newsletter. Inevitably, there are 3-6 people each week that “off” me. I never say anything, knowing I’d best respect others’ privacy. And understandably, there are too many of these email newsletters. Sometimes, I myself will unsubscribe from another person’s newsletter.
Last month, I received an email whose subject line read “WTF.” I’m literate in the language of texting and wanted to see just who might be reaching out with such a bold greeting. (WTF commonly stands for What The F-ck) The body of the email read as followed:
Dear Yeah Dave:
I must admit I’m a big fan of your newzletter so when I saw that you unsubscribed from my email newzletter, I was quite upset,. I don’t know who you think u r but after much thought, I have decided that I hate you. Sorry I just had to vent. I don’t really hate you but what kind of bastard sendz out his own newsletter and kant find the time to read mine. Please resubscribe to my email newsletter or I will squash your ballz. I wont’ really do that but just do it pleez.
Your Fan, Bruce
After reading that email, I locked my doors, put my alarm on “Away” so that the motion sensors were armed, held my girlfriend tight, and called an uncle in Milwaukee who I’m almost certain has ties to The Mob.
What is this world coming to?
The uncle in Milwaukee told me, “Just get in touch with the psycho that emailed you, and f–ckin tell him to come to your yogurt class and I know a guy who knows a guy in LA. He’ll show up and take care of business.”
“It’s a yoga class,” I said, correcting him.
“I f–ckin know what is.”
“But you said ‘yogurt’ class,” I reiterated, nervously.
“Yogurt, yoga, all you people are the same.”
He hung up.
*****
On Wednesday July 9, I showed up to my 2:30pm yoga class and sure enough, a beefcake mafia type was in the back. This guy was late 20’s, huge muscles, buzz haircut. He wasn’t really doing yoga. Rather, he was looking around protecting me.
I went up and whispered to him, “Buddy, no worries. I’m not scared. You can leave. I’m fine on my own.
“Io non parlano inglese,” he said.
Shoot! This guy was straight off the boat and didn’t speak a lick of English.
I tried again gesturing with my hands, “Everything ok. No problem.”
“Zio Mike mi ha detto di proteggere voi.”
Oh no, I thought, he said something about Uncle Mike. He’s definitely here to kick some butt.
About halfway through class, a sweaty dude stood up to motion me to “cut the heat.” He was too hot. But the symbol he used was the “slice across the throat” before pointing to the heater on the ceiling. The beefcake saw the symbol, stood up, and made a beeline to the sweaty guy. I intervened just in time and told the beefcake to get back to his mat.
This was nerveracking. I just wanted this class to be over.
A few moments later, another guy in class stood up to go the bathroom. This guy was having a great yoga session and made a signal to me as if shooting a gun which then turned into a quick thumbs up as if to say, “U da man, great session!”
Again, the beefcake saw this symbol, jumped off his mat, and made a beeline toward this guy. Just in time, I intervened and told him to get back to his mat.
What a nightmare.
Finally, class ended and a few students approached me to shoot the breeze. Oddly enough, one of the students was a guy I’d not seen before. He held out his hand and introduced himself as Bruce. He was wearing a disgusting green Boston Celtics t-shirt. My heart dropped.
“I’m the guy that you sent you that email,” he said. “You can unsubscribe, but you can’t hide.”
Bruce began to form a karate chop with his right hand but he’d picked the wrong day to mess with a red-headed Italian Jew. The beefcake forcefully slung Bruce over his shoulder and left like a hawk having scooped its meal from the river.
*****
I’ve since learned a valuable lesson. I don’t need to call Uncle Mike to take care of my business. From this point forward, I’m gonna look to Uncle Wayne. Wayne Dyer that is. Wayne once said how he’s not afraid to hitch hike because he puts out good vibes and attracts good things. Of course, when I told this to my overprotective mother, she said, “Wayne Dyer? He’s still alive?” Yes, Wayne Dyer is alive, and yet again, he has an amazing point. Shift your vibration. Fearful vibrations are a magnet for psychos like Bruce, not to mention people who key your car or steal your identity.
Over the next few weeks, you’ll see a haze over Beijing when you watch the Olympic Games. It’s not too dissimilar from the haze of fear covering your mind and obscuring your heart. Burn through that haze and one thing will be crystal clear. Peaceful, loving thoughts and vibrations are the most powerful attractor and the most resilient armor. So next time you receive a threatening email from someone intent on ’squashing you ballz,’ your best protection is not a beefcake bodyguard, or a 22 round semi-automatic rimfire rifle, or a Mace Silver pepper gun with 25 foot range. It’s clearing your mind, opening your heart, and parting the sea of fear to reveal a natural state inherent in every human being. Marianne Williamson said, “In our natural state, we are glorious beings. In the world of illusion and fear, we are lost and imprisoned, slaves to our appetites and our will to false power.”
Oh yeah. One more thing. Always think twice before you unsubscribe.
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| The Schtick (People Who Talk Too Much) |
“It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.” Mark Twain
Just this morning I was flying to a Minnesota for a speaking engagment. It was a late morning flight, just when my caffeine high was climaxing. So this was the rare occasion when I actually decided to speak to the person next to me. Attempting conversation in such close quarters is risky, because if the other person is mean or chatty or worst of all, racist, you’re in for a long flight.
“Hi” I said.
The woman, mid 50’s, well put-together in a brown blouse and a seemingly fancy handbag, turned to look at me. Four seconds passed and I assumed she didn’t speak English.
“What?” she finally responded.
“Oh I was just saying hi.”
“Oh, sorry, I didn’t understand,” she muttered.
I didn’t know what could be so hard to understand about ‘hi.’ Now that she heard me, I thought, was she going to respond?
Silence.
“Have you been watching the Olympics?” I tried again. “That swimming last night was insane. So awesome!”
“Sorry I was distracted. You have a giant piece of food in your teeth,” she pointed out, embarrassing me. “And yes the Olympics are very exciting. I’m Debbie what’s your name?”
I introduced myself and we carried on with a pleasant conversation for a few minutes
“Listen, ah, Davis.”
“It’s David.”
“Right, D. Can I call you D?” she asked pleasantly.
Wow, I thought. This lady was really wonderful. I was so happy I took the chance to converse with her.
With the biggest smile you’d ever see, she said, “D tell me. Are you gonna talk to me the whole flight?”
Before I had a chance to answer, she said with that same gi-normous smile, “Look, you seem like a nice guy but if you don’t mind, I’d be so appreciative if you’d shut the hell up.”
The rest of the flight, I felt like a toddler wallowing in the excrement of awkward silence. Part of me wanted to fight through the scenario with humor, which I tried.
“How’s your snack pack?” I asked. “I always feel like a good French kiss after eating some of this delicious canned tuna.”
And with that big smile, she motioned the all-to-familiar zip of the lips and winked at me.
Then I tried to fight my way out of the hole.
“Listen, I was just trying to be nice and say hello. Why you gotta be so snappy?”
That gi-normous smile began to fade.
“Look D. If I woulda known I’d be sitting next to Larry fucking King, I’d have taken a different flight. This is the last time I’m gonna ask you, please stop talking to me.”
Now my feelings were hurt. Why was this lady being so mean to me? I felt like a pansy 7th grader needing to stand up for myself and settle this once and for all.
“Debbie, I just want you to know, it’s a day like this that makes me lose faith in humanity. I just want to get that off my chest. That’s the last thing I’ll say to you.”
As we touched down and taxied to the gate, I even helped the lady get her bag down from the overhead bin. She looked at me and smiled.
“Look D, do yourself a favor. Not everything needs to be said through words. Too many people, too many emails, too many obligations. Too many words. Much can be communicated through the harmony of silence.”
She turned around to exit the plane; and farted loudly.
I couldn’t help but laugh. God sure does have a great sense of humor. |
| Snowmass Wellness (Aspen) 2008 |
If you are looking for an excuse to head up to the mountains for a weekend of hiking, great food, and inspiring yoga with a ridiculous view of the Aspen Valley, join me at the Snowmass Wellness Festival taking place August 15-17. For more info, click here.
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Livin’ the Moment: 8-11-08
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When I was 15 years old, my dad took me to Game 1 of the 1988 World Series. With 2 outs in the bottom of the ninth inning, a badly injured kirk Gibson hobbled to the plate for the Dodgers’ last gasp of hope. He fouled off pitch after pitch and the 50,000 fans in Dodger Stadium just waited for the inevitable strikeout. But the amazing happened. Gibson blasted the ball high over the right field bleaches for a dramatic home run. The Dodgers went on to win the game and eventually the World Series. It is widely considered one of the great moments in the history of American sports.
Let me tell you where my dad and I were sitting when he hit that home run:
In the back seat of my dad’s car driving down the 405 freeway. That’s right. We missed one of the greatest sports moments ever to beat 20 minutes of traffic in the parking lot. I don’t believe i’m alone in my fear of missing another important moment. With all life’s distractions, it’s harder and harder to be fully present for your kid’s big goal in youth soccer, or that important presentation at work.
My first book, Yeah Dave’s Guide to Livin’ the Moment strives to jumpstart a conversation: is life getting away from us?
I’d like to invite those of you who are supporters of my heartfelt if not adolescent perspective of spirituality, wellness and self-help to join my official BOOK CLUB. All you must do is write an email to YEAHDAVE@YEAHDAVEYOGA.COM and in the subject write, “I’m in!” Then you will receive exclusive invitations to view video webisodes based on chapters in the book, special parties, and sneak previews of excerpts from the book.
In the meantime, I’d love for you to join me at upcoming weekend workshops I’ll be teaching in:
August 16-17 at Snowmass Wellness Festival in Aspen, CO
August 29-31 at Healing Power Yoga in Highland Park, IL
December 4-7 at Mii Amo in Sedona, AZ
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| Yogichocolate.com |
If you ever get to that place where you are fed up with your yoga and ready for a new voice, a new class, or a new style, check out YogiChocolate.com. It was started by my friend Sara LaVere and her husband and it offers downloadable audio and video yoga classes by donation from teachers around the world, including me.
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| Video of the Week |
What is so interesting about this very touching video is the music. Don’t you just love the song? Sometimes I’ll wake up and do calisthenics while listening to this song. It makes me think of frizz, whipped cream, little birds, and a Guess denim outfit I made my mom buy me in 6th Grade which only now do I realize is the reason I was forced to play football in 7th grade.
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| New York, New York, Neeeeew York |
I cannot wait to return to NYC for a Livin’ the Moment weekend September 25-28. Taking place at Exhale’s Central Park South location, I will share new evolutions of Yoga + Chocolate, Yoga + Wine, and The Chocolate Chakra Tour. I will be donating a portion of the profits from this event to Marble Jam Kids which is a charitable organization focusing on art, music, and creative movement therapies for children with Autism Spectrum Disorders. To sign up, please call Exhale Central Park South at 212.249.3000.
Here’s the info:
Yoga + Wine with David Romanelli Location: Central Park South
Dates: Friday 9/26/2008
Time: 7:30 PM - 9:00 PM
Cost: $45
The history of wine cultivation in Sicily goes back at least 6,000 years. For Sicilians, wine has always been more than just a beverage. In the Mediterranean world, wine carries a spiritual significance. In this vinyasa yoga workshop, David will explore how a glass of wine is the gateway to a deeper sense of life and a deeper look at youthfulness, not as wrinkled skin but as a vibrant spirit. This workshop will show you how to model the aging process after one of the few things that ages well…a bottle of wine. David will explore how some people that are old seem really young; while some people that are young seem really old. At the end of class, you will taste Sicilian varietals such as Grillo and Nero d’Avola. You’ll finish realizing that like a great wine, a human can age with boldness, character and grace. Wine tasting is after class, not before. Price of admission is for the yoga workshop only. The after class wine tasting is free of charge. Wine-tasting is only open to people 21 years or older.
Yoga + Chocolate with David Romanelli Location: Central Park South
Dates: Saturday 9/27/2008
Time: 2:45 PM - 4:45 PM
Cost: $45
This is the next evolution of David’s acclaimed Yoga + Chocolate experience . Every human struggles with what the Bhagavad Gita calls the 3 human weaknesses: lust, anger, and greed. In order to stay true to self and purpose, one must build immunity to the seductions of life (emotional outbursts that endanger others, lust-driven affairs that hurt loved ones, and making poor decisions for money rather than for love). We are most vulnerable to those weaknesses when mind, body and spirit are out of sync. There’s no better way to re-synchronize then thru peak sensory experiences like delicious chocolate, rockin’ music, and soothing yoga. . At the end of David’s flowing vinyasa yoga class, you will be in a deeply relaxed, totally present state of mind, David will show you how a Vosges chocolate truffle wets the palette, engages the mind, and evokes the spirit. You’ll finish realizing that “nothing can cure the soul but the senses just as nothing can cure the senses but the soul.” (Oscar Wilde) NOTE: THIS WORKSHOP INCLUDES 2 CHOCOLATE TREATS FROM VOSGES HAUT CHOCOLATE
Chocolate Chakra Tour with David Romanelli Location: Central Park South
Dates: Sunday 9/28/2008
Time: 2:45 PM - 4:45 PM
Cost: $55
Chocolate Chakra Tour: In the ancient Eastern cultures, healing is as much an art as a science. In this very relaxing Deep Stretch yoga experience, David will explain the chakra system which teaches how to inspire the soul in order to heal the body. It’s very valuable information that sometimes is a bit hard to swallow; but not if it’s covered in chocolate. For each chakra, you will experience a fun story, a relaxing yoga pose, a specially selected song from just the right genre of music, and a carefully chosen exotic Vosges Chocolate truffle. A sneak preview: You will learn how the sparkling guitar of the late Jerry Garcia is the ultimate sound to soothe the heart chakra while the spicy Red Fire Vosges chocolate truffle offers a powerful connection to the root chakra. This workshop is based on The Yoga + Chocolate Chakra Box which David co-created with Katrina Markoff, founder of Vosges Haut-Chocolat.
Please note: you will sample 7 exotic chocolate truffle so come hungry with an insatiable desire for the world’s best chocolate
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