Archive for September, 2008

“Nature is an infinite sphere of which the center is everywhere and the circumference nowhere.” -Blaise Pascal
A tidal bore is a tidal phenomenon in which the leading edge of the incoming tide forms a wave (or waves) of water that travel up a river or narrow bay against the direction of the current. In other words, it’s a “surfable” wave taking place in an unexpected environment like the Amazon River. Bores occur in relatively few locations worldwide and are beloved to surfers known as “boreriders.” These tidal bores offer rides from 10-40 minutes in length.
But surfing in the Amazon River is perilous. It’s not the feared piranha to which I’m referring. Rather, there’s a very dangerous fish in the Amazon called candiru andiru or candirú (also canero or toothpick fish). They are eel-shaped and translucent, making them almost impossible to see in the water. Some species have been known to grow to a size of 6 inches

When a Candiru spots a fish, it darts towards the gill cavity and lodges itself in place with its spines. Then, with usually fatal consequences for its victim, the Candirú begins to gnaw a hole towards a major blood vessel and gorges itself for no more than a maximum of a few minutes. Ok no big deal. This doesn’t affect a human being.

If a hungry Candiru confuses a human being for a fish, it will climb into the uretha (penis-hole on a man, vagina on a woman). Once lodged in a person’s urethra, the parasite’s body will swell to a size often too large to allow itself to leave. The danger for the person lies more in the infection and shock that results from having the organism lodged there for an extended period of time than from physical damage done by the actual fish itself.

The reason I’m telling you this? I was fascinated to learn of this Candiru creature and nature’s unfathomable complexity, tranquility, and danger. But I don’t have any neat bow to tie around this message. Instead, I’ll tie it around my wiener. Because having a barbed creature stuck in there is nothing short of horrifying.

• Cruisin’ Jeff Golub
• Cool Meditation Third World
• Hip-Hop Saved My Life (feat. Nikki Jean) Lupe Fiasco
• King Without a Crown Matisyahu
• Doin’ Time (Uptown Dub-) Sublime
• Black Coffee in Bed (Full Version) Squeeze
• Dead Right Someone Still Loves You Boris
• Mr. E’s Beautiful Blues Eels
• Hold Me Now Thompson Twins
• I Believe Sounds of Blackness
• Society Eddie Vedder

This past Sunday, I was at Chicago O’Hare airport waiting for my flight back to LA. We boarded the plane and were ready to go before the pilot told everyone they needed to get off the plane so the air conditioning unit could be repaired. As we unhappily waited in the terminal for over an hour to re-board, a sweaty man with a toupee took offense and went apeshit bananas on the poor United Airlines customer service agent. Most everyone in the terminal remained paralyzed, just watching, unsure what to do. The poor customer service agent, clearly exhausted and underpaid, sat there and took the abuse.

But then, in a beautifully courageous act that deserves some kind of citizen’s medal of honor, one man had enough and jumped in on behalf of the poor customer service agent. And then another man jumped to her defense. And before you knew it, four people were screaming at the sweaty man with a toupee and soon enough, he backed down. In my mind, it was Iwo Jima in O’Hare. Like those infamous soldiers raising the American flag, those four people hoisted the dignity of the embroiled airline employee.

On that lazy Sunday in Chicago, I embraced something that previously I only half-understood. Catch yourself next time you are paralyzed and helplessly watching life unfold. Pull over and assist the person who just got in an accident. Stand up for the employee taking a verbal beat-down from an obnoxious customer. Those four people in O’Hare exhibited another form of valor prerequisite to victory in another kind of battle. It’s a battle endured every day by every human being in every corner of the globe. Mark Twain described it best, “It is curious–curious that physical courage should be so common in the world, and moral courage so rare.”

Here’s a test to measure your moral courage:

1. You are married. At work, you find yourself suddenly attracted to the young, spunky intern who says, “What d’ya say we meet in the parking lot at lunch? Nobody will ever find out, I swear.”

a. You go for a long lunch and upon returning very disheveled, you tell your co-workers “those spicy tacos from Taco Hut drive me into a tizzy.”

b. You respond to the spunky, young intern, “Why wait til lunch. I’ll meet you right now in the bathroom.”

c. You tell the spunky, young intern, “Thanks but no thanks. I’m not sure what you think this wedding ring means but I’ll tell you one thing, hit on me again and you’ll be out of work faster than a stray dog running through Hanoi.”

2. Your friend has a strange tendency to litter while driving. They drop coke cans, water bottles, cigarette butts right out the window.

a. You tell them, ” Y’know what, the environment is in trouble. Stop doing that now or I’ll tell your wife all about your porn collection.”

b. You tell them, “Y’know what, you’re right! To heck with all this environmental mumbo, jumbo. I think I’ll go right ahead” and you drop your own coke can right out the window.

c. You tell them, “That is a terrible thing to do. Get a grip and stop littering for the good of Planet Earth!”

3. Your friend smokes way too much pot and wreaks of smoke, even in important company meetings.

a. You steal their stash of weed and smoke it all to save your friend from potential trouble.

b. You anonymously call your friend’s boss and let her know, “One of your employees is always high at work and his first name starts with an ’s’ and his last name starts with a ‘p’. “

c. You confront your friend and have the courage to suggest he seek help with his addiction.

If you chose the following, you have a high level of moral courage:

1. c
2. c
3. c

Moral Courage Playlist

(all items link to iTunes)

• If Dogs Run Free Bob Dylan
• Gone Till November (featuring Refugee Allstars) Wyclef Jean
• I Want You Erykah Badu
• Angel Jimi Hendrix
• The Globe Big Audio Dynamite
• City of Dreams Talking Heads
• The Sweetest Thing The Refugee Camp All-Stars
• Mellow Mood Bob Marley & The Wailers
• Psycho Killer Talking Heads
• Could It Be Another Change The Samples
• Just Like a Woman Bob Dylan