Funny moment:      9/22/08  Brentwood, CA    6:57pm

“When it is dark enough, you can see the stars.” Ralph Waldo Emerson

I had a friend in elementary school from Albania named Cac Arjana. As a young-in, I thought nothing of the name. But as we grew older, of course, the name Cac became ripe for trouble. Kids were mean and would say disgusting things to Cac. It hurt Cac’s feelings until much of the attention shifted to another girl who arrived at our school in 5th grade. She was a Russian immigrant named Titz Abramovich.

The teacher warned Titz’s parents, who barely spoke English, that their daughter’s name had “a certain troublesome meaning in English” but her parents insisted that she keep her name.  Sure enough, the kids treated them both terribly saying things like, “All I know is this weekend I’m hangin with Cac and Titz” or “Cac don’t come in here!” or “Mom can I play with Titz after school?”

But believe it or not, Cac and Titz bonded in spite of the adversity. They were not just high school sweethearts, they were elementary school sweethearts. The Lord works in mysterious ways.

But a few days later, Cac and Titz called to ask my girlfriend and I to dinner. Surely they’d personally hand us an invitation. I felt so relieved.

We sat down at A Votre Sante bistro in Brentwood, ordered an appetizer, caught up, and then matter of factly, Titz began talking about her wedding ring which was a friggen rock.

“Jeez Cac, you must have spent like two or three hundred bucks on that thing,” I said.

There was an awkward silence.

“Just kidding,” I chuckled, but no one else found it funny.

Titz went on and on about the party planner, the band, the caterer, everything. Somebody was blowing a wad (of cash) on Titz. This was gonna be one hell of a celebration.

My girlfriend couldn’t take it any longer and blurted out, “This wedding sounds amazing. I gotta tell you, our invitation never came. It must have gotten lost in the mail.”

Cac hung low, his shoulders slumping. Titz sagged, as her eyes dropped to the ground.

“Dave, ah, well, we could only invite 350 people and you know how it goes. I couldn’t invite everyone. I still totally consider you a great friend but,” Cac sadly answered.

“But what?” I asked.

Titz jumped in, “Obviously we still want to be friends with you guys, that’s why we’re out to dinner right now. We love you guys.”

I retorted, “But Titz, after all we’ve been thru together. I fought for Cac and Cac stuck up for me. And God knows I’ll do anything for Titz. You know how much I care about you. I’m sorry but I’m really hurt.”

It was a painfully awkward moment. Cac and Titz said not a thing as my girlfriend and I sat there angry, confused, uninvited.

*****

It’s a founding principle of any strong spiritual foundation, made famous in The Four Agreements.  “Don’t take things personally.”  If you are sensitive (like me), it’s so easy to be hurt. In fact, if one really wanted to analyze all the ways she’s been hurt and wronged, she’d wage war on self, life, God. It’s an ugly, consuming battle triggered by allowing all the little things to cut deeper than they should. Eventually, a little gash becomes a bleeding wound.

The sacred yoga text the Katha Upanishads reads, “The sharp edge of a razor is difficult to pass over; thus the wise say the path to Salvation is hard.”  It’s moments like the one with Cac and Titz, where you’re really hurt and want to lash out, that you are closest to the razor’s edge. “Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.” *

In this stressful time, emotions are running high and hot. When money is scarce and worries are fierce, it’s easy to slash your soul on jagged words and cut your heart on sharp feelings. A truly strong spirit maintains the agility to move past life’s thorns before they puncture the proverbial skin.

Down the road, when we look back upon this period of economic strife, will you take comfort in knowing you handled it with grace and courage? Or will your feet be scarred by the razor’s edge?

*The Buddha