Archive for March, 2009

“I love your book,” my friend told me as we walked the streets of NY before my launch party last week.

I was stoked and said, “Awesome! High five?!” while holding out my hand.

“I don’t do high fives,” she responded.

I’d never heard such a thing. That’s almost as bad as hearing another say, “I hate Bob Marley” or… “Actually I’m a man.”

After a cool down period, I asked, “Why no high fives?”

It turns out that she was scarred by an ex-boyfriend who could not come to climax during sex unless she continuously high-fived him throughout.

How could you blame her?

After further recollection, I’ve come to realize that many people I know have complained of their partners’ or ex-partners’ strange sexual fetishes. From nipple-biting to asparagus-feathering to paddle-slapping, human beings can be dirty, raw creatures. If it’s not you, it’s your neighbor. And if it’s not your neighbor, it’s your friend…usually the guy with the moose knuckle.

Why do so many resort to such odd behavior?  Let’s face it. We have a weird relationship with touch that begins from the time we are born. As babies in the womb, we are surrounded by the warm amniotic fluid, the soothing beat of the heart, the loving vibrations of the mother’s energy. in some indigenous cultures, upon entering the world,  a baby remains in skin-to-skin contact with the mother for up to 90% of the time during the first months of life.*

In Western culture, babies spend much of their time in the stroller, car seat, or crib…removed from the touch to which they grow accustomed in the womb.  It only gets worse as we get older. When’s the last time you received a loving touch whether from a spouse, child, pooch, or friend?

Even when clothed in luxurious garments and the finest jewels, a touch-deprived soul thirsts as desperately for nourishment as a starving man caked in squalor. As we’re all learning oh so clearly, desperate times call for desperate measures.

High five?!

Playlist from My Yoga Class on 3-25-09

Talk to You Tracy Chapman
Don’t Come Around Here No More Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers
Say Hey (I Love You) Michael Franti & Spearhead
True to Myself Ziggy Marley & The Melody Makers
Sita Ram Girish
One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer John Lee Hooker
Shelter from the Storm Bob Dylan
Fade Into You Mazzy Star
Foreplay/Long Time Boston
Square One Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers

*inspired by Natural History of The Senses

IF IT’S YOUR FIRST TIME TO MY SITE… Welcome! So great to meet you and welcome to my world where chocolate, wine, music (and really naughty humor) are gateways to the magic and beauty of the present moment. Here’s a blog post that shares my philosophy with links to some humor, tunes, and the world’s best chocolate. My mantra: livin’ the good life is livin’ the moment.

“We laugh at the efforts of the musk deer to find the source of the scent which comes from itself and despair at our efforts to find the peace which is our essence.”  -Ramakrishna

I was recently at a Bachelor Party in Vegas with friends I’ve known since college. In the wee hours of the morning, we flipped in a VHS tape of us all hanging out, listening to music, talking smack, having a good ol’ time way back in 1995. But something was weird about this video. It’s not that we were 15 years younger. Rather, there were no cell phones in 1995…and everybody was in the moment. If this same scene were to have taken place in 2009, one guy would be in the corner looking at his blackberry, another guy would be in the corner on a phone call, another guy would be perusing the internet.

Things have really changed in the past 14 years since cell phones and laptops have become mainstream. Nowadays, most everyone spends a good portion of their time writing, deleting, and filing emails and text messages. We are slowly but surely turning into glorified extensions of our computers.

Think about how things were different before you had a cell phone. There was more time and more desire to dream, touch, smell, feel, rest, stare at the stars, gaze at the moon, lie on the grass. In our manic quest for efficiency, we are losing our humanity. I struggle with my humanity as much as anyone. And my book (which launched on March 17) is not me preaching from a pulpit but rather standing alongside you wondering “how can we get a grip on life?” before it slips through our fingertips. So break away from your computer, put down your cell phone, turn off your TV…and walk outside. If not for a second, live in the moment

Following are 3 tips for regaining your full capacity to enjoy life.

1. Smell

“We do everything so automatically that we have forgotten the poignancy of smell, of physical anguish, of tactile sensations of all kinds.” -Lygia Clark

I always thought Hellen Keller had a sad life, being that she was blind and deaf. But I recently learned she experienced so much through her uncanny sense of smell. Best described in A Natural History of the Senses, “When barometric pressure is high, the earth holds its breath and vapors lodge in the loose packing and random crannies of the soil, only to float again when the pressure is low and the earth exhales. The keen-nosed Helen Keller smelled the vapor rising from the soil, and knew by that signal that there would be rain or snow.”

In my book, I describe how whenever catching a whiff of Drakkar Noir cologne, I’m transported through time and space to my 10th grade semi-formal next to my date from the Valley with giant hair. Scent is so powerful, and we all have the capacity to experience subtleties and depth through our nose. But as we spend more time in front of the computer and less in the open fields enjoying life, our senses are beginning to atrophy.

2. Touch

“O for a life of sensations rather than of thoughts.” John Keats

Think about the experience of being a baby in western culture. Spending 9 months in the womb, the baby feels the warm amniotic fluid, the soft beat of the heart, the soothing sound of the mother’s voice…all have vibrations that soothe the baby. Then she is born and spends much of her time in the crib, in the stroller, in the car seat…suddenly disconnected from touch. It’s deeply uncomfortable for the baby. In some indigenous cultures, a baby remains in contact with the mother for up to 90% of the time in the first year of life.*

And that early disconnect continues later in life. When is the last time you enjoyed loving touch? It’s so rare in our culture partly because so much of our time is spent touching the keyboard. I dare you, right now, break away from the computer and give someone a hug (check out my video on hugging). It’s the most human and humane thing you’ll do all day.

3. Taste

“Forget love, I’d rather fall in chocolate.” -Unknown

I recently read that the word “stressed” spelled backwards is “desserts.” As I share in my Yoga + Chocolate experience, there is so much pleasure to be found in delicious food especially exotic chocolate. But when’s the last time you really savored a tasty treat? Nowadays, it’s so common that we eat at our desk or while watching TV. A normal person will go thru many meals simply for the nourishment without experiencing the taste. A wise one said, “Those from whom nature has withheld the legacy of taste, have long faces, and long eyes and noses…whatever their height there is something elongated in their proportions. Their hair is dark and unglossy…they are never plump…it was they who invented trousers…” *

Featured Playlist

• Ooh Child Valerie Carter
• Don’t Come Around Here No More Tom Petty
• Honky Tonk Women The Rolling Stones
• Can’t Tell Me Nothing Kanye West
• World’s Greatest R. Kelly
• Bruises Chairlift
• Is There A Ghost Band Of Horses
• Telephone Shelby Lynne
• Fade Into You Mazzy Star
• Women and Wine (Live) Martin Sexton
• Mona Lisas and Mad Hatters (Live Version) Indigo Girls
• Common Threads Bobby McFerrin

* from A Natural History of the Senses