Archive for April, 2009

“You will begin to touch heaven in the moment that you touch perfect speed. And that isn’t flying a thousand miles an hour, or a million, or flying at the speed of light. Because any number is a limit, and perfection doesn’t have limits. Perfect speed is being there.”  Richard Bach

It was late at night and I sat in bed, bleary eyed and checking out a few text messages.

One lady, Rainie Liu, wrote, “I’m excited to see you tomorrow at your workshop. I’m bringing a whole bunch of my friends.”

I replied with a text, “Awesome Rainie! Can’t wait to see you and your posse.”

My cell phone has an “auto-correct” feature which I soon discovered doubles as a dirty old man. The phone changed the word “posse” to “pussy.” In other words, Rainie was about to read:  “Awesome Rainie! Cant wait to see you and your pussy.”

“Shoot!” I looked at the clock, 11:52pm. Was it too late to call Rainie?

Ring, ring, ring…”Hello?” she answered sounding half-asleep.

“Rainie, hi! I’m so sorry to be calling this late. It’s David Romanelli the yoga chocolate guy.”

“Oh hey.” Long silence. Clearing her throat, Rainie asked, “You know I’m married right?”

“Honey it’s my yoga teacher,” Rainie quickly told her grumpy husband next to her in bed.

I continued, “Listen Rainie I totally apologize I just wanted to give you a heads up that I tried to thank you for bringing your pussy, I mean possie, and my cell phone wrote pussy when I meant to put possie.”

“What?! Who in the world!?” the suddenly heated husband screamed, having overheard me say “pussy” to his wife in the middle of the night.  “Rainie is this the freakin’ guy you were saying touches your thighs in down dog?!”

“No that’s another guy, this is the chocolate guy,” Rainie told her husband. “Honey relax, all these yoga guys are gay.”

*****

Someone wrote me a fascinating email this week. He said, “[Technology] makes me feel like I should be more connected to people, but really, it’s only on a surface level. I gain more from one conversation with a friend than I do from chatting on facebook for hours. I gain more from one hike in the woods than I do from reading 300 articles on Digg.”

Ain’t that the truth! Technology creates “absence.” Absence of time, absence of sensation, absence of peace. Think about it. How often  these days do you sense a general lack?  Don’t you always feel like something is missing?

The antidote to absence is presence. It’s the feeling you have in a sweet savasana, or eating comfort food on a rainy Sunday, or putting on a fresh Topo t-shirt. Should one dare to untangle herself from life, she might realize presence is not a destination or a calculation but a very simple revelation.  As “posse” is just a few letters from “pussy,” so is “presence” from “absence,” and “love” from “shove,” and “breathe” from “seethe.”  Simple solutions to complex problems. So put down your phone, turn off your computer, lie on the ground, and touch your Rod, I mean your God.

MY PLAYLIST FROM 4-8-09

The Tracks of My Tears     Adam Lambert
Second That Emotion Grateful Dead    4/71
Emotional Rescue The Rolling Stones
Missed The Boat Modest Mouse
Jane Says Jane’s Addiction
Join Together The Who
If This Isn’t Love Jennifer Hudson
Remedy The Black Crowes
Long Nights Eddie Vedder
Helpless Neil Young
Angie    Gilbert Biberian, London Symphony Orchestra & Mick Jagger

IMPORTANT NOTE: Magic mushrooms can be very dangerous to an unstable mind and I do not condone their use unless you are in a controlled, safe environment, or at an Allman Brothers/Widespread Panic concert taking place this summer.

I was hangin’ with this cool dude who came on my yoga retreat to Tulum, Mexico way back in 2001. We decided to enjoy some magic mushrooms and headed over to the beach. It absolutely had all the makings for a perfect afternoon. I grabbed a few beers and was trying to figure out where the cool dude put our stuff, when I hear, “Dave over here!”

I look beyond the beachgoers and into the ocean where the cool dude was motioning for me to join him. There must have been fifty beachgoers between us and all fifty of them looked toward me. Their expressions said it all.

A punkish woman with black fingernail polish looked at me with an expression which said, “Gay people are rad!”

An older woman with her grandchildren looked at me with an expression which said, “What do your parents think?

An athletic frat guy with his buddies looked at me with an expression which said, “Dude your beach is 500 yards that way!”

Why the strange reactions?

The “cool dude” from the yoga retreat was wearing a bright orange, super slinky, skin tight, Speedo bathing suit otherwise known as a banana hammock.

“Dave come on in! It feels great,” he screamed motioning for me to hurry into the water.

I looked at the beachgoers staring at me. I looked back at the “cool dude” in the ocean. I again looked at the beachgoers, then at the “cool dude” in the ocean.

A million thoughts raced through my mind. “Should I ignore him and walk away?” “The shrooms are kicking in.” “Did I turn off the heat before going to the airport?” “Why is this happening to me?” “Maybe chicks like Speedos?” “I could never get away with it, especially not in cold water.”

I lay down on the sand and stared at the blazing tropical sun. I did not want to shroom wallowing in the water with a man in orange Speedos. Eventually the guy left the water and came to lie down next to me on the beach. Even worse. I did not want to spend my afternoon bathing in the sun with a man in orange Speedos.

I felt trapped in the moment; just as the shrooms kicked in. Oh no, oh no, oh no.

*****

Sometimes we have to clean out the pipes, wipe the slate clean, restart the mind. In indigenous cultures, they often use plants, vines, and mushrooms with hallucinogenic effects. There’s something about such indigenous ceremonies that sounds wonderful, exciting, authentic. But all too often upon eating magic mushrooms, I end up bad tripping. If you’ve never had such an experience, it feels like you lose control and are trapped whether by a man in orange speedos or by the shadows in your depths.

But really, the hallucinogens magnify your relationship with the world. Some of us go through life feeling trapped. Are you such a person? There’s one simple question to ask yourself. Be honest.

Are you stronger than your problems? Or are your problems stronger than you?

I recently read of a holocaust survivor who said, “I’m not a strong woman. But I’m a woman of strength.” My translation: a life in service to the mind is a kaleidoscope of men in orange speedos. But wipe the slate clean and we realize, a life in service to spirit is one-pointed, one struggle, one solution, one moment at a time.

Little Boxes Devendra Banhart
Honor and Harmony G. Love & Special Sauce
Never Too Late Michael Franti & Spearhead
Baba O’Reilly The Who
Lonesome Road Madeleine Peyroux
Waiting on a Friend Rolling Stones
With a Little Help from My Friends Joe Cocker
Fade Into You Mazzy Star
Peggy-O Grateful Dead  3-15-80
Angie    Gilbert Biberian, London Symphony Orchestra & Mick Jagger