Archive for May, 2009

“Integrity is telling myself the truth, and honesty is telling the truth to other people.” Spencer Johnson

God knows the “house guest” is walking a fine line between that warm and welcome feeling and “I wish he’d leave.” On one of my yoga weekends several months ago while staying with a family, I walked into the kitchen to enjoy a morning coffee with my hosts and some breakfast with their young children. I felt great, very welcome, and in the midst of a wonderful weekend. But the second the little girl saw me step foot in the kitchen, she screamed, “Mommy I thought you said he was leaving!!”

The mom was speechless. She reprimanded her daughter, apologized profusely, turned red in the face. I chuckled nervously and quickly changed the subject. But one thing was clear, those people wanted me OUT!

It’s one thing when adults lack a mental filter and say whatever happens to be on their mind. We often refer to them as “obnoxious,” “annoying,” “awful.”  But when kids lack a filter and say whatever happens to be on their mind, it’s “hilarious,” “brilliant,” “adorable.”

Just a few weeks ago, my girlfriend and I visited a couple in their Venice home. The couple is just a few months from the birth of their second child and their adorable 2 year old son has grown accustomed to touching and pleading with his mom’s ever-growing pregnant belly. After a full dinner, several glasses of wine, and way too much dessert, I sat down on the couch to relax. The little boy ran over to me, jumped in my lap, and began talking to belly.

“What’s he doing?” I asked not totally understanding little children as I don’t yet have any.

My girlfriend turned away, holding in her about-to-be hysterical laughter.

“When’s your baby coming?” the little boy asked.

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Why is honesty so shocking? Because often, we fail to be honest with ourselves. We go days, weeks (in some cases years) without enough quiet and reflection to know who we really are. For so many, the soul’s truth can be a lone vote against the mind’s dominating majority.  Joseph Campbell said, “Our life has become so economic and practical in its orientation that as you get older the claims of the moment upon you are so great, you hardly know where the hell you are or what it is you intended.”

Whether it’s the obnoxiously unfiltered adults or the hilariously unfiltered children, maybe they are the normal ones. And we confuse their clinging to spirit as peculiar behavior, their odd dialect of truth as hard to comprehend. I challenge you as I challenge myself. Next time a cute tot or a bitchy blond dunks you into the chilly depths of God-honest truth, open your eyes. You might catch a glimpse of your soul. Waiting, hoping, praying that you’ll visit more often.

During a school assembly in 9th grade, everyone was told to gather by their hair color. Naturally, I instantly walked toward the blonds when I was tapped on the shoulder by an authority figure who said, “Strawberry blond is red!” And from that moment on, I’ve considered myself to be a redhead. I’ll be the first to admit, redheads are different. Mark Twain said, “While the rest of the species is descended from apes, redheads are descended from cats.”

So let’s define degrees of red and thus, degrees of accompanying intensity.

Strawberry Blond

A strawberry blond (see photo just below)  is like a mixed breed. “Strawberries” can be totally normal one second and then become the most socially awkward freaks another second. Think a playful Golden Retriever meets a Chow Chow having a colonoscopy.

Splotchy Red

Splotchy Redheads (see photo just below) have amber hair and lots of freckles on their face. Freckles are less about weirdness and more about politeness. Splotchies can be the sweetest, kindest folk but look at them the wrong way and their glare can cut through steel and their words sting harder than oral love performed with Camphophenique.

Purebred Red

Purebred Redheads (see photo just below) at least look as if they’ve come from two redheaded parents. Purebred Reds generally have bright red hair and fluorescent personalities. They tend to be brilliant and passionate about odd things like seashells. The thing is, it’s hard to spot a true Purebred Red as many dye their hair. To find out, here’s what you do. Lick your hand and then introduce yourself to the suspect. If they refuse to shake your hand, they are tried and true Purebred Red. Why? Because Purebred Reds are complete germophobes.

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By the year 2100, redheads will be extinct. According to the Seattle Times, “just 4 percent of the world’s population carries the red-hair gene. The gene is recessive and therefore diluted when carriers produce children with people who have the dominant brown-hair gene.”

It’s one thing to lose the atmosphere, icecaps, and the Maldives. But can you imagine a world without redheads? Do you not love us for our eccentricities, ill-timed remarks, glowing back hairs, and ffumder? 

If you are having a hard time figuring out how to make an impact and save the earth, look no farther than your favorite Splotchy, Strawberry or Purebred Red. Like the Short-Tailed Albatross and the Mission Blue Butterfly, redheads are also endangered species who need your love, attention, and most important, encouragement to breed with other redheads.

Let’s turn this thing around. Forget all this hype about going green. Go Red!

Every morning for many years, I’d have the strongest coffee drink known to man…a large coffee from Peet’s with 2 shots of espresso. Often, the barista would say, “Y’know cocaine isn’t that much different.”

But over the past few weeks, I’ve been able to wean myself from coffee thanks to one single and powerful quote I discovered in the sweetest book I’ve read in years: Saltwater Buddha. The quote from the Tao Te Ching: “Nothing in the earth is more flexible and yielding than water. Yet when it attacks the firm and the strong, none can withstand it. They have no way to change it.”

In the ancient Eastern cultures, water is often equated with emotion and upon reading the quote, I realized emotion properly harnessed is supremely powerful, like a giant wave. But fail to harness your emotions and they begin to froth in your core, like a dangerous and violent sea. I imagine some of you can relate to those days when you feel like you’re bobbing, gasping, hoping to be rescued from chronic anxiety, worry, and fear?

Over the past few weeks, I’d come to realize that my emotions had turned stormy, my attention span weathered, my joy fragmented. Why? My mind was over-stimulated. Along with the agitating effects of caffeine come the constant stimuli of our computers, cell phones and other gadgets. I once read that all of our technology is an extension of the mind. There’s no such thing as a machine that is an extension of our emotions. So our minds are becoming like kids without parents, unchecked in an over-caffeinated world.

In the process, a demanding mind causes so many of us to lose touch with our emotions. According to the yogis, lose touch with your emotions and you cut your power in two.  Following are three scientifically proven ways that being in touch with your emotions can enhance your life:

1. People in touch with their emotions are more influential

In the book The Political Brain, the author shares science showing that people are much more likely to act upon their emotions than they are to act upon their thoughts. Think about it. Even if you didn’t vote for him, President Obama has a rare skill to deliver a speech and trigger emotions in those watching. His power of oration played a huge role in his being elected President. When you are able to quiet the mind, you not only sense your own emotional state but also what other people are “feeling.” In this ever-so shallow world where we forsake conversation with the person in front of us in line in order to call a person in some other time zone, wouldn’t it be unique to tap someone on the shoulder and ask, “How are you feeling today?”

2. People in touch with their emotions advance farther in their careers

In the book The Likeability Factor, the author shares research showing that one’s “likeability” plays a huge role in their ability to improve their career standing. When you are mentally agitated and consumed by technology, you become less likeable. Even if you are productive, nobody will want to be around you if you cut off a conversation over lunch in order to answer your phone. Should you dare to take time to put away the gadgets and relate on a more emotional level to co-workers and clients, you will experience deeper, richer relationships in the long term.

3. People in touch with their emotions fare better in the game of love

In my book, Yeah Dave’s Guide to Livin’ the Moment, I share how one who can feel sadness, pain, and discomfort with grace and courage, is more likely to foster a deeper, more loving relationship with a spouse or significant other. So often, we avoid or resist things that don’t make us feel good. A huge part of love is pain. Kahlil Gibran said, “For as love shall crown you, shall he crucify you.” In my book, I share techniques and thoughts on how a little pain and sadness never hurt anyone and actually can make love that much sweeter.

In conclusion, I’m not suggesting you have to quit coffee to quiet the mind. God knows I miss the smell, the taste, the trip down the road to Peet’s. But the little jolt from a morning shot of espresso is a tiny ripple in a powerful sea of emotion.

Cryin’ Eric Clapton
Oxford Town Bob Dylan
Rockin’ That Thang The-Dream
Cocody Rock Alpha Blondy
Lonesome Road Madeleine Peyroux
Golden My Morning Jacket
Galileo Indigo Girls
All I’m Thinkin’ About Bruce Springsteen
Shangri-La M. Ward
Not Fade Away / Goin’ Down the Road Feeling Bad Grateful Dead
More Than Words Extreme
Lonely Girls Lucinda Williams
Your Hand In Mine Explosions In The Sky
Eternal Wave Dan Gibson

“A cynic is the one who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.” Oscar Wilde

To all the moms out there who have endured the beautiful but challenging process of giving birth, I salute you.  And I think you might be interested in an increasingly common topic of conversation: men giving birth. If the technology existed to implant the embryo in a man, how many men out there would be willing to take on the emotional roller coaster of pregnancy let alone the pain of delivering a child? Of course for men, the baby would need to be delivered through the rear as most men lack a vagina. Duh.

I recently asked a random selection of my male yoga students if they’d be willing to bear a child should it be possible. Here were there answers:

“Yeah Dave!”
-Ronny Willsap, Santa Monica, CA

“These questions are starting to get annoying.”
-B. Jagina, City of Industry, CA

“Does that mean I could have a penis and a vagina? Because that would be rad!”
-Stu Lickliter, Encino, CA

“Yeah sure, totally I would. Do I drink the sperm? How does this work? Sign me up.”
-Ron Luber, Sheman Oaks, CA

As you might suspect, many of the men had a hard time taking the question seriously. Because I think many of us men cannot possibly appreciate the blood, sweat, and tears that goes into being a Mother. Yogi Rajneesh said, “The moment a child is born, the mother is also born.  She never existed before.  The woman existed, but the mother, never.  A mother is something absolutely new.”

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I recently finished reading a wonderful book on happiness whose most startling insight came from a Bhutanese scholar. He described happiness not as a noun or as a verb but as a conjunction. Our happiness is based on our relationships with our family, community, clients, and friends. As the author describes it, happiness is connective tissue. The happiest people are the ones with strong ties to the world around them.

Maybe we could all take a cue from the wise scholar in a faraway land (Bhutan). Given the importance of relationships, there’s no relationship more symbolic than the one with the person who gave you the gift of life. Whether your mom is on heaven or earth, whether you love her or despise her, you can’t deny her significance. So this Mother’s Day, I encourage you to take it one step further than a Hallmark card, flowers, and brunch. Your mom doesn’t need your presents. She needs your presence.