10. Do I look good in pink? 9. That was me that grabbed your ass during Trance Dance. 8. Kiss me now or I’ll tell your wife about that dirty adjustment. 7. I’m so sorry I didn’t realize these yoga pants were see-through. 6. I’ll be in the back giving myself a private. 5. It’s [...]
Archive | July, 2009
The Top 10 Questions I’d Have For A Vampire (If Ever Got To Meet One…)
10. Would you even drink the blood of my buddy Bruce McElvoy who is a dirty drunk stoner that smells terrible? 9. Does the blood of people of different nations resemble the cuisine of those nations? 8. Do vampires need the occasional colonoscopy? 7. If I checked your mulabandha, would your fangs pop out? 6. [...]
Chaos or Perfection? 3 Reasons Suggesting There’s Meaning Behind the Madness
“When you reach an advanced age and look back over your lifetime, it can seem to have had a consistent order and plan, as though composed by some novelist. Events that when they occurred had seemed accidental…turn out to have been indispensable factors in the composition of a consistent plot.” Arthur Schopenhauer Is there perfection [...]
Top 10 Worst (or Best) Things to Hear from Your Yoga Teacher
10. Everyone grab a partner. 9. Can I lie on you during Savasana? 8. Um, yes, that is my knee. 7. I’m in love with you. 6. Here let me rub it. 5. Let’s just take the last half of class to sit. 4. I’m not wearing any underwear. 3. Meet me by the blocks [...]
Why Are Vampires So Popular? 3 Things about Human Nature Brought to Light by the Vampire Phenomenon
Vampires are everywhere! From the Twilight series of books and movie(s) to the HBO show True Blood, the vampires have pop culture hook, line, and sinker. But what is it about blood-sucking creatures with fangs that electrifies human interest? I saw my first episode of True Blood a few weeks ago and ever since, I [...]
Ass Touchers
Ass Touchers. We all know one, maybe two, definitely not three. The other day I hugged one of my students goodbye, and she proceeded to pat me on the ass. I was 10% aroused, 50% annoyed, 14% disgusted, 16% harassed, and 10% wishing she was under 72. While patting me on the ass, she said, [...]
Let Me Service You
Being a frequent traveler, I’ve grown accustomed to the airlines’ industrious transition. They charge you for baggage, charge you for drinks, charge you for food, charge you for an exit row seat. Flying to Dallas a few months ago, I had a revelation. After paying the stewardess $13.00 for a bologna sandwich on Wonder Bread, [...]
How Sadness and Struggle Can Lead To Greater Happiness
In 2007, I traveled to India for a yoga retreat. When I gazed down from the hilltop in the morning, I saw the coast of the Southern Indian state of Kerala dotted with canoe-like fishing boats. I practiced yoga listening to the hypnotic sounds of the flute played by an Indian musician on a bluff [...]
No Double Dipping: 3 Tips to Living as if You Could Die Tomorrow
“Enjoy yourself. It’s later than you think.” –Chinese proverb The scene: a 4th of July party in Southern California. The host was carrying a trey of appetizers. Standing next to me was my cousin from a foreign country in which catered parties are few and far between. My cousin took an appetizer, dipped in the [...]
Pervs, Breathers, Sweaters, and Spacers
As a yoga teacher, I try to maintain a calm and happy classroom of students. This means telling the “loud breathers” to please keep it to themselves, herding “the sweaters” away from “the princesses,” suggesting somebody else’s class with “even hotter chicks” to “the pervs,” and putting the “shhhh” kabosh on “the talkers.” But the [...]
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