Archive for August, 2009

My brother just had a baby and my girlfriend and I were on the way to the hospital for a visit. We held hands, sang along to the latest Miley Cyrus, and enjoyed a perfect summer evening in Southern California. Could life be any better? As I was trying to make a left into the turn lane, I hesitated, thus holding up the guy in the car behind me.

The guy went apeshit bananas leaning on his horn as if avoiding a runaway freight train. In my rear view mirror, I saw his face which was heightened with even more emotion than the lady whose boob I accidentally grabbed in a yoga class in 2003.

If you aren’t the one raging, surely you’ve encountered similar outbursts of anger, impatience, and hostility. Earlier this week, a 28-year-old man was arrested after a road rage incident in which police say he pointed a loaded shotgun at a family with children in the back seat. Or maybe you heard about the guy who stabbed another man with a screwdriver after arguing over a parking spot.

Have you not found yourself wanting to cuss the slow Starbucks barista, or pound your fist when the internet is down, or glare at the woman in yoga class who moans during every single pose?
Why are we so impatient, angry, and hostile?

*****

Author Abraham Heschel writes that most of us live in the realm of space. We worship things, property, and technology that enable us to fill and conquer our surroundings. I would argue that at the expense of becoming more connected with the space around us, we’re becoming less and less connected with the space within us. When we lack access to our depth. we’re bound to lash out like a rabid dog or a starving bear or Joaquin Phoenix on Letterman.

Heschel describes the importance of “the sacred”…whether it be a place or a day or a time. Without the sacred, the world feels like a confining space where something as simple as a moan in yoga class is as lethal as a shart on a road trip. God knows if you’ve ever sharted on a road trip, that rest stop 30 miles back sure would have been a better option. So before it gets ugly, let us all take a moment to pull over, get out, and as they did in the old days (ie the early 1990′s)…rest.

What if in the afterlife you met all the possible “you’s” that could have existed? The wealthier you who never gave up and finally knocked down that door, the happier you who stayed with your partner through the tough times, the more fit you who stuck with the daily workouts, the more accomplished you who took the time to finish writing the book. As pondered by author David Eagleman*, this notion of “other you’s” really got me thinking.

In what ways are you fulfilling your potential? And in what ways are you leaving talent, love, and passion on the table?

Following are three tips that don’t involve any massive life changes yet will propel you toward maximizing your potential:

1.  Protect Your Appetite for Learning

When we lose our appetite for knowledge, insight, and education, we diminish the power of the brain. The latest research shows that the brain can form new neural connections at any time in life. Yet when we fail to exercise the brain and entertain new thoughts, it begins to sag, like a worn out body. A lazy brain can lead to Alzheimers and other disease.** Have heaps of time passed since you’ve been to the art museum or listened to new music or read a great book?  As Glen Dorman of The Institute of Achievement of Human Potential said, “Some kids go through their whole life believing that learning is fun and the only game worth playing. We have a name for such people. We call them geniuses.”

2. Clarify Your Definition of Freedom

Like so many Americans, I bought a house in 2006 when money was easy to come by. And now I’m throttled by a huge mortgage. I used to think that owning a nice home in a pleasant neighborhood spelled f-r-e-e-d-o-m. But now I’ve clarified my definition of freedom to mean living within my means.  When you let outside influences determine your freedom, there will always be a part of you straggling behind, shackled by the weight of the world, begging for another chance to live on purpose.  That inner straggler can cause a lot of strife. As Maya Angelou said, “There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.”

3. Consider The Power of Love

I once read that all of our technology is an extension of the mind and its thoughts. There is not yet an example of technology that is an extension of the heart and its feelings. One day, we will create such a machine. As French philosopher Teilhard de Chardin said, “Someday, after we have mastered the winds, the waves, the tide and gravity, we shall harness for God the energies of love.” And I believe that such a future technology will measure how the human being who sustains a high level of love will attract not just greater relationships but also fulfillment, abundance, and opportunity.

Becoming the “wealthier you” might take years, and becoming the “more fit you” might involve painful changes in your diet, and becoming the “more tenacious you” might require a huge and prolonged shift in your attitude.   But the “more loving you” is one bear hug away. And the “freer you” is no farther than a 24 hour sabbath from the annoying cell phone. And the “more inspired you” is as easy as cracking open a great book. As I share in mine, before you take the massive and painful steps toward a more fulfilled life, consider the little ones…a amazing bite of exotic chocolate, a sidesplitting laugh, a walk in the warm summer night.

Talk to You Tracy Chapman
staple it together Jack Johnson
Creepin’ In (Live) Norah Jones
Memphis Soul Stew (Single Version) King Curtis & The Kingpins
At The Zoo Simon & Garfunkel
In the Colors Ben Harper
Streets of Philadelphia Bruce Springsteen
Lucky One Alison Krause
Jaya Sita Rama Wade Imre Morissette

* from David Eagleman’s Sum, Forty Tales from the Afterlife
**http://www.neurology.org/cgi/content/full/72/4/e21

I love to eat (that’s the Italian in me) but am embarrassed to say that I barely know how to cook & let alone bake.  So when my good friend Lilian said I HAD to try this nectarine tart I knew the only way that would happen is if she made it for me.  She adapted the recipe from Food & Wine by substituting peaches for perfectly ripe nectarines & made the crust out of ginger snaps.  I know it may sounds feminine for a guy to be raving about a tart but it was delicious & something I definitely recommend all foodies out there to give a try.

The original recipe is in Food & Wine magazine (Sept. 2009)

http://www.foodandwine.com/recipes/white-peach-tart

As described by Lillian Sizemore:

I used organic yellow nectarines because they looked and smelled the best at the market.

For the tart dough, I had the idea to add crispy ginger thin cookies (Anna’s Ginger Thins) to the flour. I pulsed the thin cookies in the food processor until fine, and replaced 1/4 cup of the flour with the ginger cookies. I also added a dash of cinnamon. The hint of spice paired perfectly with the nectarines.

I didn’t have peach preserves, so I used apricot-orange marmalade (Trader Joe’s brand).

Technical notes:
The dough is really loose, so work quickly as you knead. I dusted with flour as I worked or it sticks to the counter, your hands, everything. I did follow the instructions and used firm fruit. With firm stone fruit, it doesn’t want to fall away from the pit so easily, so be patient as you slice it or you’ll bruise the fruit and it won’t look so good.

My final note:  Hold love in your heart as you work. Delicious!!!

My conversation with Sally was interrupted when the host of the party’s little dog ran by. Sally kneeled down and picked up the dog.

Let’s just say Sally really loves dogs. I don’t mean “get down, tickle their ears, and scratch their belly” loves dogs. I mean “rub their ears, scratch their belly, tickle their loins, open their mouth, and get your tongue in there” loves dogs.

Not since the first time I saw two kids french kiss on the playground of Coleman School in San Rafael, California during 2nd Grade have I been so dumbfounded by a kiss. I felt like the worst kind of voyeur perv sipping on my red wine while watching Sally and dog swapping spit. After what must have been 95 seconds, she put the dog down and turned to me, “So where can I get a copy of your book?  Wait…before you tell me, come with me out to the living room. I wanna find the lab.”

A few minutes later, I sat across from Sally on the couch with the lab. The dog was lying on its back, strewn across Sally, who honest to God was again french kissing the dog, red rocket and all. I’m embarrassed to say I went and sat on the couch with my red wine and watched. My inner dialogue went something like this, “What’s wrong with her? What’s wrong with me? I miss Schmutzie. Sookie is mine!”

As the lab scampered off, Sally turned to me and asked, “Do I have anything in my teeth? Chocolate? Bacon? Alpo?”

*****

It goes without saying that some people are extreme dog lovers. They’d rather the tongue of a dog than a human. The truth be told, according to veterinarian Marty Becker, you run more of a risk when french kissing a human than you do when kissing a dog.* Becker says many bacteria in the mouth of a dog are species-specific so they won’t harm a human.

I know you what you must be thinking and I agree. Why bother with the Latin masseuse when it’s safer with a Chihuahua? Why hassle with the frisky spin teacher when you can get a cleaner brand of spunk from the Labradoodle? Next time you see someone french kissing a dog, think twice before you judge them. Love comes in many forms. A furry creature. A horny devil. A hairy Moldovan woman. You just never know.

Right when you think you’ve got life figured out, the bank account filled, the kids gleeful, and the spouse satisfied, you may be Tested. As author Barbara de Angelis said, “Love is a choice you make from moment to moment.” So do yourself a favor.

Choose the dog.