My conversation with Sally was interrupted when the host of the party’s little dog ran by. Sally kneeled down and picked up the dog.

Let’s just say Sally really loves dogs. I don’t mean “get down, tickle their ears, and scratch their belly” loves dogs. I mean “rub their ears, scratch their belly, tickle their loins, open their mouth, and get your tongue in there” loves dogs.

Not since the first time I saw two kids french kiss on the playground of Coleman School in San Rafael, California during 2nd Grade have I been so dumbfounded by a kiss. I felt like the worst kind of voyeur perv sipping on my red wine while watching Sally and dog swapping spit. After what must have been 95 seconds, she put the dog down and turned to me, “So where can I get a copy of your book?  Wait…before you tell me, come with me out to the living room. I wanna find the lab.”

A few minutes later, I sat across from Sally on the couch with the lab. The dog was lying on its back, strewn across Sally, who honest to God was again french kissing the dog, red rocket and all. I’m embarrassed to say I went and sat on the couch with my red wine and watched. My inner dialogue went something like this, “What’s wrong with her? What’s wrong with me? I miss Schmutzie. Sookie is mine!”

As the lab scampered off, Sally turned to me and asked, “Do I have anything in my teeth? Chocolate? Bacon? Alpo?”

*****

It goes without saying that some people are extreme dog lovers. They’d rather the tongue of a dog than a human. The truth be told, according to veterinarian Marty Becker, you run more of a risk when french kissing a human than you do when kissing a dog.* Becker says many bacteria in the mouth of a dog are species-specific so they won’t harm a human.

I know you what you must be thinking and I agree. Why bother with the Latin masseuse when it’s safer with a Chihuahua? Why hassle with the frisky spin teacher when you can get a cleaner brand of spunk from the Labradoodle? Next time you see someone french kissing a dog, think twice before you judge them. Love comes in many forms. A furry creature. A horny devil. A hairy Moldovan woman. You just never know.

Right when you think you’ve got life figured out, the bank account filled, the kids gleeful, and the spouse satisfied, you may be Tested. As author Barbara de Angelis said, “Love is a choice you make from moment to moment.” So do yourself a favor.

Choose the dog.