Archive for August, 2009

The Hadron Collider is a 15 year old, $9 billion science project intended to speed up matter to 99.9999 times the speed of light and then create collisions of subatomic particles. The hope is to find new kinds of matter and unfurl hidden dimensions of reality. The problem: it doesn’t work. Upon initial use, a massive electrical shortage caused major damage to the Hadron Collider. It will only operate at half power when it comes back to life later this year. No one can be certain that it will fulfill its objectives.

I read a fascinating comparison* of the Hadron Collider to the Mayan pyramid Xunantunich, which, during the time of its creation (AD 500-AD 800), was as impressive and gigantic to the Mayans as the Collider is to modern humans. The Mayans vanished and left Xunantunich as a ruin in the jungle. If the Hadron Collider continues to malfunction, it may too become a gigantic and expensive ruin to be discovered by future generations.

It is suspected that the Mayan civilization was effected and ultimately destroyed by overpopulation, foreign invasion, peasant revolt, the collapse of key trade routes, environmental disaster, epidemic disease, and climate change.  Ring a bell? Each and every one of these impacts humans in the modern day.

I believe the Hadron Collider shows very clearly where we are going wrong and how we can avoid the kind of demise that led to the end of Mayan civilization.

1. Speed

The Hadron Collider consists of a 17 mile long underground tube. Its vast size is necessary in order to replicate the speed of light. If all goes as planned, the subatomic particles will be traveling around the tube so fast that when they speed around for 10 hours, they will have traveled 6 billion miles… enough to get to Neptune and back.  But is the speed of light really what’s going to help humanity? As the yogi Iyengar said, “We confuse speed and movement with all there is in life.”  Instead of the speed of light, if we could  better embrace the calming speed of the present moment, we’d be much better off.  Encouraging oneself and others to slow down a notch or two will enable us to appreciate life, think more clearly and deeply, relieve stress, and as I emphasize in my book, live in the moment.

2. Size

The Hadron Collider is intended to discover never-before seen subatomic particles that are 1/1000th the size of an atomic nucleus. Think about it…a giant 17 mile contraption is needed discover a tiny little particle. I think our sense of size and space is out of whack. Is discovering a tiny little particle really going to do anyone any good?  With all the madness of modern living, the space we need to find is the space in our minds, hearts, muscles and joints. To find such space (whether through yoga, running, chocolate, or a sweet siesta) is to find an affordable luxury accessible to every single human being.

3. Structure

The Hadron Collider’s overarching mission is to help science better understand the structure of the universe. Fine. It’s a noble mission to seek knowledge and understanding. However, we are also learning that a pinch of naivete and self-delusion leads to greater happiness.** Sometimes it’s more fun to be a believer, to dream big, to fantasize, to rekindle a childlike sense of wonderment. When we get caught up in structure, facts, and research, life loses its luster. And a little luster could do a lot of good for all the people in the world grinding it out day after day.

When 22% of Americans live without health insurance let alone half the world living on $2 a day or less, humanity doesn’t need far-fetched experiments. Humanity needs hope, care, and at least once in a while, a reason to smile.

by David Romanelli (www.yeahdave.com)

*http://www.nytimes.com/2009/08/09/weekinreview/09glanz.html?_r=1&scp=4&sq=large%20hadron%20collider&st=cse

**from The Geography of Bliss by Eric Weiner

10. Bring a dog that poops and pees all over the house
9. Bring wine coolers
8. Bring a friend that nobody knows yet roots for the other team…and talks too much
7. Say “Anyone wanna split a salad?”
6. Refer to “uniforms” as “outfits”
5. Hang out in “the other room” and talk about my book
4. Say “Does anyone wanna practice taking quarterback snaps at halftime? I’ll be the center!”
3. Eat a frozen banana while watching the game
2. Say “Let’s hold hands on 4th and 10…y’know… for good luck.”
1. Say “I would totally let my wife hook up with Tom Brady, as long as I could hook up with Leonardo Di Caprio.”

I have a very strange fascination with North Korea’s Great Leader Kim Jong-il whose people die of starvation while he’s surfing the web for designer shades, gourmet food, and the finest cognac.

Following are some of Kim Jong-il’s fetishes all of which are from reputable sources across the internet:

–Kim Jong-il insists that his rice be cooked over a wood fire using trees cut from Mt. Paektu, a legendary peak on the Chinese border. Female workers inspect each grain of rice to ensure that they meet the leader’s standards*

–Kim Jong-il is a movie fanatic, and is said to have a collection of over 20,000 films. In 1978, in order to advance the North Korean film industry, he ordered North Korean agents to abduct the famous South Korean movie director Shin Sang Ok and his ex-wife, actress Che Eun Hui, and kept them for eight years while making them produce propaganda films.**

–Kim Jong-il keeps a very large liquor cellar. Famous liquor brands from around the world are lined up, maybe about 10,000 bottles in all. He prefers Johnnie Walker Swing for whiskey and Hennessy XO for cognac.***

–Kim Jong-il rides around in a specially fitted Japanese-built train, with its 21 carriages, lobster tanks and two armoured Mercedes cars.****

–Kim Jong-il injects himself with the blood of virgins to stay young.****

If you noticed the highly publicized photo (shown above) of Kim Jong-il next to President Bill Clinton from this last week’s meeting in Pyongang, you couldn’t help but notice Kim Jong-il’s amazing outfit. A one piece jumper with moose knuckle. Freakin awesome! I can just imagine the Great Leader’s assistant, “Great Leader, President Clinton of America is arriving to meet you today at 12pm. Pickup at 11.”

Kim Jong-il must have thought to himself, “What should I wear? What should I wear? Hmmmm” as he looked through his closet. “How about this one piece jumper? Yes this looks nice. I think I’ll lift it nice and high in the crotch. Hmmm, should I let my junk lurk to the right? Or maybe it’s better on the left? Or maybe the right? Or maybe the left? Goddamit I can’t make up my mind! Somebody will die for this!!!! But first I’ll have a Henri IV Cognac, a Cohiba Behike cigar, and watch a Grace Kelly flick with 3 naked hookers, and hurry!!!!”

*****

The official state ideology of North Korea is called Juche which is, for lack of a better word, a “religion” and the only religion allowed in the country.  There are 19 million North Koreans who embrace Juche thus making it the world’s 10th largest religion. ***** The God of Juche is the former leader of North Korea, Kim Jong-Il’s daddy.  Being that Kim Jong-il is the son of their “God,” he is given Christ-like status. “In one particularly blatant borrowing from the Christian tradition, the official biography of the son, Kim Jong-il, relates how farmers saw a star rising over the mountain where he was born. This Bethlehem on Mount Paekdu makes the junior Kim, the son of God.”   ******

It’s scary to think that if most any human were to grow up in North Korea, he would be brainwashed with a wholehearted belief that their Cognac sipping Great Leader has the power of a prophet or savior. Granted, the poor North Koreans have no choice but to believe. Should a North Korean dare to rebel, she is certain to die in labor camps. But the North Korean circumstance shows us the frailty of the human mind. Especially in oppressive conditions, a human being can believe with complete conviction the strangest things to be true.

But even in non-oppressive and totally free conditions, it’s a rare day that one dares to disagree with their own religion, to raise a voice, to object to a commonly held point of view. Granted, most religions aren’t led by a moose-knuckle loving Great Leader with a bouffant. But I dare to say that if I was taught as a young child in Sunday School that all roads lead to Kim Jong-il, I very well might start each day by jacking my pants up high with a sacred push of my junk to the left before sipping a Cognac, puffing my hair, and kneeling in prayer.

Following on the heels of yesterday’s exciting release of prisoners in North Korea, I wanted to recap an upcoming wetreat. You may have read about this in the past…

For some, danger is a thrill that beats even the biggest buzz. For others, danger causes angst, fear, and an excessive need to pee. Danger is powerful if used effectively. Said Nietzsche, “The secret of reaping the greatest fruitfulness and the greatest enjoyment from life is to live dangerously.”  How does danger affect you?  I’d like to offer you the opportunity to find out. IN the wake of the launch of my book, I’m excited to announce a yoga retreat I’ll be leading in early 2010. Following on the success of Yoga + Chocolate, Yoga + Wine, and Yoga + Snow comes the next chapter in the journey:  YOGA + DANGER. We’ll be headed to none other than the danger capital of the world:  North Korea. Yes! I’ve secured 10 visas thru a Canandian Travel Company to enter the forbidden land also known as the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea.

We will begin on a 4 stop plane ride starting in Los Angeles, connecting in Tokyo, connecting in Seoul, arriving in Pyongyang. If you haven’t yet bonded in the 37 hour plane ride, hold your horses because we’ll just be getting started. Upon arrival, we will check in to the Moonstar Plaza Hotel which has a stunning view of the demilitarized zone. You’ll enjoy evening rations of water while staring out your window at gorgeous moonlit silhouettes of soldiers staring down their barrels. That is just an appetizer of the danger yet to come. We will awaken the following morning for a yoga class in a real live bomb shelter in the hotel basement. After yoga, we will enjoy a morning breakfast of raisins and low-grade Russian vodka.  Soon thereafter, our “handler” will lead us on a tour of downtown Pyongyang where we will have a chance to view monuments to the fallen leader Kim Il Sung.

You might be asking, “Why would I want to spend my vacation in a bomb shelter eating raisens and low-grade Russian Vodka when I can be chilling on Vinnie Marino’s  yoga trip to the beach in Tulum?”

Just wait. My daily yoga classes will feature themes on communism, pain, and heartbreak all of which will blend in perfectly to the stark surroundings.  Other featured events will include an evening of deep stretch yoga set in the foothills overlooking the border to China. As people attempt to escape over the border, we will watch from the cobbler’s pose and root them on using our thoughts and pure Shakti power. Danger will be everywhere and I will teach skills and breathing techniques to stay calm amidst the force of North Korea’s 1.1 million person army.  If you feel something poking your back, that won’t be a private part of your favorite male yoga teacher; it’ll be a North Korean soldier poking the cold barrel of a Russian manufactured AK-47 into your shoulder. But if this still is not danger enough for your thick skin; there’s more!

The climactic moment will be our arranged meeting with current North Korean leader Kim Jong-Il. We have been warned to dress in a certain way and greet the leader as “if we were greeting God Himself.”  Get this. My friend dressed up his young son as Kim Jong-Il for this past Halloween(see above photo). I thought it was such a brilliant idea. So everyone on the retreat will also dress up as Kim Jong-Il to greet the leader. It will be a great surprise. And hey, what’s the worst thing that can happen to us?  It’s dangerous and danger is the name the game for our 4 death-defying nights in this dark corner of the world.

If this trip sounds like a bit much for you, I’d at least like you to consider your relationship with danger. Don’t be scared.  As Winston Churchill said, “Danger; if you meet it promptly and without flinching; you will reduce the danger by half. Never run away from anything. Never!”