The behavior of yoga students is often a reflection on their teacher. For instance, the students of Aaron “the Rabbi” King love a little post-class coffee talk and “kibbutzing” if not a nice touch. The students of anti-gravity yoga teachers Brock and Krista Cahill will bust into a handstand in the middle of nowhere. Thus, the Cahills’ energetically uplifting presence. Power Yoga teacher Vinnie Marino’s students have been known to scream at people, especially those who open the window during class. Thus, Vinnie’s brand of “free love… with a cost.”

Someone once said to me, “Yeah Dave, what kind of behavior do you inspire in your students?” Hmm, I thought. And a few months ago, while hanging out with a bunch of random students who had just taken my class, I observed them closely. One student said, “Hey Dave, check this out,” before showing me a random 1 inch long mustache hair on an otherwise smooth upper lip.  “It’s kinda like a dreadlock but different.”

I answered, “Cool Schmata. And it matches your silver Lululemon spaghetti strapped tank.”

Another student said, “Yo Dave, what would you do if someone showed up to your class with three boobs and the one in the middle was exposed with a tattoo of Sammy Davis Jr singing into the nipple-shaped microphone?”

After thinking for a moment, I replied, “Cool Ronald. Kinda like a scrodum tattoo…but different.”

And another student said, “Dave, thanks to your yoga I can now suck my own…” and just as I was about to cover my eyes, he put his toe in his mouth.

I responded, “Cool Reavis. Are you still taking your Lithium?”

I know what you must be thinking and I agree. How freakin’ cool, fresh, and free-thinking are my students? Who needs to talk about the Bhagavad Gita when instead you could talk titty-tattoos? Why bother with the sutras when you could sit around and show off weird body hairs? Free the mind people! Yoga in a modern light! This is why it continues to astound me that the Yoga Journal won’t invite me to its conferences.

*****

I’ve been reading the book Crow Planet: Essential Wisdom from the Urban Wilderness which focuses largely on the intelligence of crows. Crows have their own games, language, relationships, and loyalties. For instance, the author mentions how crows recognize faces and if you take aggressive action against one crow, you will get dive-bombed and harassed by your neighborhood crows for days to come. As crows live in every habitat, you don’t have to travel to the far reaches of the earth to immerse yourself in the wonders of nature. Just look outside your window.

In much the same way, you don’t have to read an intense spiritual book or take peyote to open your mind.  And that is why I’d like to dedicate this Schtick to the stoners, freaks, and weirdos of the world.  Hail to the Schmata’s, Ronald’s, and Reavis’s in your life. They might not teach you anything; but their strange questions and stony visions can pry open your mind’s most stubborn constructs.  God knows…if you’re not crafty enough to open the dusty old storage shed, you’ll never access the treasures, memories, and insights locked within.