My friend recently shared a story that put the grind of 2009 into beautiful perspective. He described lying on his bed enduring a hot summer day. He had nothing better to do than watch flies succumb one after another to a fly trap. The flies would be attracted to the trap’s scent only to get stuck, whip themselves into a frenzy trying to escape, and die a slow death. My friend recalled with awe this one fly that reacted differently. Rather than freaking out and whipping itself into a frenzy, this fly stayed calm.

Step by step, the fly picked up and cleaned its leg and then picked up and cleaned its other leg and did it again and again until it finally was free. My friend recalled how a creature which epitomizes filth and annoyance actually displayed a certain elegance and beauty in its resolve to survive. Which is just the thing we lost in America during the economic boom of the early 2000’s. We were gluttonous in our consumption, in our over-construction, in our values. There was no sense of beauty in our march toward success, wealth, and pleasure.

And now, so much has disappeared, so many homes, things, relationships. And many of us face the same predicament as the trapped fly. Those who freak out will further their trouble. But those who proceed with grace, dignity, and even elegance will most certainly recover and slowly but surely rediscover their wings.

Herein lies the question. If you’re halfway normal, you’re struggling, grinding, busting your butt to make ends meet. In such a state, who cares about beauty?! And how in the world can you possibly be elegant?!?! Following are 3 tips:

1. Service

“An individual has not started living until he can rise above the narrow confines of his individualistic concerns to the broader concerns of all humanity.” MLK

The same friend who told me the story about the fly told me that whenever he feels out of balance, anxious, and lacking, he plugs into the needs of his community and helps someone out. It’s his way of staying centered and putting everything into perspective.

2. Pride

“The only real elegance is in the mind; if you’ve got that, the rest really comes from it.” Diana Vreeland

One thing I’ve learned from my 91 year old grandma…whenever she leaves her retirement home, whether to go to breakfast or take a ride in the car, she always always always dresses up fancy in her scarves and slacks and coats and purses. This is not a matter of her clothes being expensive or inexpensive. Rather she has great pride in spite of her aging body and fading twilight. And no matter how broke, no matter how old, no matter how exhausted you might be, nobody has the right to your pride. Nobody!

3. Touch

Have you ever taken a yoga class and gotten a nice adjustment by the teacher? Or better yet, have you had a friend give you a little shoulder massage when you were really stressed? There is nothing more elegant, graceful, and wonderful than human touch. Like the most gorgeous dress or the most extravagant coat, a loving touch can take your breath away, cause time to stop, and if not for a moment, allow all worries to subside.

Like the trapped fly, take one graceful, firm, empowered step at a time. It might take months or years to recover. But if nothing else, let your recovery be filled with dignity.  As Gandhi once said, “I will not let anyone walk through my mind with their dirty feet.”