“Heyyyyy, what a surprise, you look great! If it wasn’t for your gray hair, I’d totally think you were still in your twenties,” I stated enthusiastically.

“Yeah Dave,” she said angrily mocking my supposedly positive nickname.

As class ended, and she was rolling up her mat, I again shared my thoughts, “I really admire you, seriously, for going with gray. Most women would cover that up and it’s so awesome how true you are to yourself!”

I don’t think she wanted me bringing it up…another time. Evidently, thirtysomething women don’t like to be told they have gray hair, especially by men.

She just looked at me, and I felt like Sookie Stackhouse from the TV show True Blood, able to read her mind. I was certain she was thinking, “David Romanelli is a fu-kface, Why did I come here?” And then amazingly, she actually said,  “David Romanelli. You’re a fu-kface. Why did I come here?”

*****

We are so youth-obsessed in America to the extent that gray hair is perceived as a negative thing.  In fact, 75% of American women color their hair. Look up “cover gray hair” on Google and you’ll get 8,180,000 results.

One place in the world where things are different (very different) is the Caucasus region of southern Russia in a place called Abkhazia. Its has an extraordinary amount of centenarians.  Abkhazians are considered more beautiful in their old age than in their youth. To tell an elder Abkhazian that she looks young is considered an insult. To tell the same person “You’re looking old today” is a compliment.   Wrinkles are battle scars, the coolest of cool in the land of Abkhazia. Can you imagine if I would have said to the college friend mentioned above, “Not only do I love your gray hair but your wrinkles are freakin fabulous!”?

So here’s the question. If you are going to great lengths to hide your wrinkles and gray hairs, is that really healthy? Not to say changing your hair color is bad. But what is bad getting down on yourself about a streak of gray, or a new crease on your brow, or a little extra blubber on your belly.  As a wise one said, “Youth is not entirely a time of life—it is a state of mind. It is not wholly a matter of ripe cheeks, red lips or supple knees. It is a temper of the will, a quality of the imagination, a vigor of the emotions…” ]]> http://www.yeahdave.com/2010/08/28/gray-haired-women-are-sexy/feed/ 0 http://www.yeahdave.com/2010/08/13/the-schtick-jet-blue-masterpiece/ http://www.yeahdave.com/2010/08/13/the-schtick-jet-blue-masterpiece/#comments Sat, 14 Aug 2010 04:52:08 +0000 yeahdave http://www.yeahdave.com/?p=2762 I’ll never forget when I first started teaching yoga. Back in the year 2000 at At One Yoga Scottsdale, a a lady from Tucson took my 10:30am Flow class. I recall long hairs on her legs, steel-rimmed glasses on her face, a ziploc bag filled with turnips (who knows?) by her yoga mat next to an Anusara Teacher Training Manual.  She finished class and proceeded to give me an unsolicited review of my teaching that included the words “terrible” “dangerous” and “lawsuit.” I know, I know, I know…feedback is an important part of being a yoga teacher. But I must admit, this was one of a handful of situations in my life when I wished I would have spoken out! That lady was malicious and ripped into me, a brand new yoga teacher doing the very best I could.

The beauty of our great nation is that there is a profound respect for freedom. That’s why there is an almost spiritual reverence for Jet Blue flight attendant Stephen Slater’s profanity laced tirade against a verbally abusive passenger on Monday.  As you probably know by now, Slater finished the tirade, then grabbed a beer and slid down the escape chute before being hauled off to jail. Rumors persist that Slater provoked the unruly passenger. That’s beside the point.  Is Slater’s response not something we’ve all dreamed of doing…flipping the proverbial bird at an obnoxious student, boss, manager, or spouse?!

*****

When the North Korean soccer team returned home after a disappointing showing at the recent World Cup in South Africa, they were forced onto a stage at the People’s Palace of Culture and subjected to criticism from Pak Myong-chol, the sports minister, as 400 government officials, students and journalists watched (visit here to read more). Worst of all, North Korea’s soccer coach Kim Jong-Hun was put to shame and punished by being sentenced to forced labor as a builder. One can only imagine how much those North Korean soccer players and coach aspired to react like Stephen Slater. 

It’s not just the North Korean soccer team or the entire North Korean population of 23 million who lack the freedom to speak out. According to Anti-Slavery International, the world’s oldest human rights organization, there are currently over 20 million people in bondage. Modern-day slaves can be found laboring as servants or concubines in Sudan, as child “carpet slaves” in India, or as cane-cutters in Haiti and southern Pakistan.

As Americans, we tend to take our freedom for granted.   Roosevelt said, “In the truest sense, freedom cannot be bestowed, it must be achieved.” Stephen Slater has become a strange sort of hero because he “achieved” freedom; but more importantly, because he reminds us, by the Grace of God, we are not North Korean soccer players, carpet slaves, cane-cutters, or concubines. We CAN take full advantage of our freedom by exercising it… by speaking out for what’s right…and sometimes, just sometimes…by speaking out against what’s wrong.

Following is a recent interview with Brock.

Q:  You were just down in the Gulf for a week. I know its hard to summarize but can you describe what you saw?

To be honest, I saw a clusterf–k.  Pardon my French, but it was rather infuriating.  I saw a whole lot of nothing going on.  The entire region is basically locked down like a crime scene, but it is being run by the criminal.  They have effectively sealed the perimeter to the spill site, not through law enforcement, nor a physical barrier, but through economic invasion.  Literally, they have bought up every piece of transportation out to the spill site.  I am talking about boat charters, captains, helicopters, aircraft, pilots,  you name it…  all been put on the payroll.  You can’t get out there without a small fortune or a massive connection.  If you were able to get up into the air for instance,  a minimum altitude ceiling of 3000 ft has been imposed.  At 3000 ft, a car looks like a dot.  Not a whole lot you can do to rescue turtles from that elevation.  They have also reserved every single hotel room within a two hour driving radius.  Now, of course, this could all be seen as economic aid to the folks who are hurting in the Gulf…  or it could be seen as a way to keep them quiet.

And then there is the media ban.  They have made it a felony offense carrying a 40,000 fine to be caught within 65 ft of any boom, oil, or distressed wildlife.  Whether you are john q public, or Anderson Cooper with a camera on your shoulder, you can’t legally cross the line.  Hence the massive retreat from the scene and the disappearance of news.  Now, did I encounter anything like that when i was down there?  No.  But it is a scare tactic.  Was i worried?  Yes, of course.  Do i think it has effectively scared other people off?  You betcha.  Now BP can control what is released in the press.  Hmmm…

Q:  It seems like in the newspapers and on TV that BP is gaining control of the situation. A cover story in The NY Times last week mentioned very few oil patches are now visible on the surface. Care to comment?

Dispersant.  The very same tactic they have used to bury information, they have used to bury evidence.  The dispersant’s job is to break up congealed oil on the surface of the sea and drive it down in the water table.  To sweep it under the rug.  Two problems with this:  a) now it becomes impossible to skim the oil off the surface to remove it, and b)  this is so much more harmful to all the critters and all life forms living in the ocean.  At least when it is crude oil on the surface, we know what we have to deal with, and it is organic matter.  Now we have this milky sludge synthetic & toxic chemical that we have slopped all over the gulf in excess of 2 million gallons.  Many of the animals that are dying are not showing signs of oil.  Instead, such as is the case with many dolphins, they are bleeding from their soft tissues, like around their mouth and blowhole, and writhing in pain.  The dispersant is akin to napalm.  And it has got to be stopped.

Q:  What’s the next step in your mission? How much are you trying to raise and what will you do with the money?

The next step is get back to the gulf, buy a boat, and get out in the water to save endangered sea turtles.  To do this I need to raise $100,000.  So far through the grace of the yoga community I have raised close to 15k!  thank you yogis!  Every single cent put into this project goes to direct action.  Into the equipment needed to make this possible.  My fear in donating to large organizations is that your money never really gets to the place that you intended.  With this project, which we have titled operation kurmalliance, there are no overhead costs, no salaries, no guy sitting in an office on a computer,  none of that.  Just direct action, because we believe in the power of individuals to make a difference.  I will make a difference in the gulf.  One turtle at a time!  Maybe you can help me?

To get in touch with Brock:  brock@gravitycowboy.com

To donate now:  http://yogisanonymous.com/Events-kurmalliance.htm ]]> http://www.yeahdave.com/2010/08/03/yoga-hero-in-the-gulf-continued-save-the-dying-sea-turtles/feed/ 0 http://www.yeahdave.com/2010/07/30/people-who-talk-too-much-in-yoga-class/ http://www.yeahdave.com/2010/07/30/people-who-talk-too-much-in-yoga-class/#comments Fri, 30 Jul 2010 20:37:53 +0000 yeahdave http://www.yeahdave.com/?p=2714 I recently had a particularly chatty group of people in the front row of my yoga class. One aspect of a strong yoga teacher is their ability to control the classroom. So….I tried several tactics to get these chatty people to quiet down.

–First I kept it light, “Can we all just let the breath take over?”
–Then I added some punch, “Anyone know how to say ‘diarrhea of the mouth’ in Sanskrit?”
–Then I tried to scare them, “Did you read that report on Huppington Post saying that people who talk a lot in yoga class are 60% more likely to develop genital herpes?”

But they kept talking so I laid down the hammer with a, “SSSSHHHH!”

It’s one of the worst things to happen to you. Whether from your husband, friend, yoga teacher, or exotic dancer, getting sssshhhhed is embarrassing, demeaning, hurtful, and effective. But sometimes it does us all a little good to get Sssshhhhhed (with a capital ‘S’)…to have our sometimes petty worries, issues, neuroses and fears put in their proper place!

*****

I woke up this morning listening to a radio report about, Irshad Kassim, a local bank director, who changed his mind about taking the Pakistani Airblue plane that crashed in Islamabad yesterday; all 152 people on board were killed.  Kassim recalls, “I was on the flight, booked and confirmed — and I was going to take the flight. I decided at 6 o’ clock not to because of the weather.”

Hearing this story was a SSSSSSHHHHHH moment. Nothing else mattered, everything was silenced…even my craving for caffeine.  I wanted and needed to hear more about this Irshad Kissam. And I’d be intrigued to know if he’ll have a renewed “raison d’etre,” a fire to fulfill some deeper calling in life. Just as I’d be intrigued to see what becomes of a 13 year old girl named Bahia (see photo) who was the only person to survive a plane crash in the stormy Indian Ocean in June 2009.

Bahia could barely swim and didn’t have a life jacket. Her plane – an Airbus 310 with 153 people on board – crashed in rough weather while preparing to land in the Comorros, the tiny island nation. Bahia was rescued after clinging to debris for around 12 hours in shark-infested waters.  According to Bahia’s father, it’s not like she was this powerful athlete or leader. He said, “She is a very, very shy girl. I would never have thought she would have survived like this. I can’t say that it’s a miracle, I can say that it is God’s will.”

These stories are the most powerful kind of SSSSSHHHHH moments. Silencing our chatty minds and our buzzing emotions, they reveal a clarity rare to humans not living in monasteries or ashrams. This clarity whispers to us as it screamed to Irshad Kassim and 13 year old Bahia. Wake up! Get your priorities in order. Most importantly, “Don’t live. Love…And live incidentally.”

Should you be pondering having kids with your first cousin, the article mentions chances are slim your children will be born with genetic deformities common to incest such as spina bifida and cystic fibrosis. Thank God!  You don’t need to feel so badly about the fact that on Thanksgiving you asked your 28 year old cousin to sit on your lap while watching football at Granny’s house. Breathe a sigh of relief. This behavior is happening everywhere. Let go of the guilt you might have been feeling for adding a little tongue to your cousin’s holiday feast. According to the NY Times, you’re actually not a twisted, repulsive, redneck scumbag.

So many strange things happen during Thanksgiving. When around family, our darkest issues, fears, and doubts tend to erupt.  The tumult of puberty, thought to be extinct, rears its ugly head. Insecurities, thought to be locked away for good, bust loose. Is it so far-fetched in the swirling mess of emotion that is Thanksgiving dinner, one might just find their cousin to be attractive?

*****

Family-driven emotional chaos is not exclusive to Thanksgiving. Each and everyone us has a part of our being snagged in childhood. It’s called infantilism. Best described by Anais Nin, “We do not grow absolutely, chronologically. We grow sometimes in one dimension, and not in another; unevenly. We grow partially. We are relative. We are mature in one realm, childish in another. The past, present, and future mingle and pull us backward, forward, or fix us in the present. We are made up of layers, cells, constellations.”

So if you have lingering frustrations from last week’s familial Thanksgiving encounters, go easy on yourself. Hinder and shame that childish part of you, and it will act like the crankiest baby on the longest night. Embrace and nurture that part of you, and the fire of youth, while at times with a bite, nonetheless will forever burn bright.

For more twisted info with inspirational endings, check out my book Yeah Dave’s Guide to Livin’ the Moment

Let’s just say Sally really loves dogs. I don’t mean “get down, tickle their ears, and scratch their belly” loves dogs. I mean “rub their ears, scratch their belly, tickle their loins, open their mouth, and get your tongue in there” loves dogs.

Not since the first time I saw two kids french kiss on the playground of Coleman School in San Rafael, California during 2nd Grade have I been so dumbfounded by a kiss. I felt like the worst kind of voyeur perv sipping on my red wine while watching Sally and dog swapping spit. After what must have been 95 seconds, she put the dog down and turned to me, “So where can I get a copy of your book?  Wait…before you tell me, come with me out to the living room. I wanna find the lab.”

A few minutes later, I sat across from Sally on the couch with the lab. The dog was lying on its back, strewn across Sally, who honest to God was again french kissing the dog, red rocket and all. I’m embarrassed to say I went and sat on the couch with my red wine and watched. My inner dialogue went something like this, “What’s wrong with her? What’s wrong with me? I miss Schmutzie. Sookie is mine!”

As the lab scampered off, Sally turned to me and asked, “Do I have anything in my teeth? Chocolate? Bacon? Alpo?”

*****

It goes without saying that some people are extreme dog lovers. They’d rather the tongue of a dog than a human. The truth be told, according to veterinarian Marty Becker, you run more of a risk when french kissing a human than you do when kissing a dog.* Becker says many bacteria in the mouth of a dog are species-specific so they won’t harm a human.

I know you what you must be thinking and I agree. Why bother with the Latin masseuse when it’s safer with a Chihuahua? Why hassle with the frisky spin teacher when you can get a cleaner brand of spunk from the Labradoodle? Next time you see someone french kissing a dog, think twice before you judge them. Love comes in many forms. A furry creature. A horny devil. A hairy Moldovan woman. You just never know.

Right when you think you’ve got life figured out, the bank account filled, the kids gleeful, and the spouse satisfied, you may be Tested. As author Barbara de Angelis said, “Love is a choice you make from moment to moment.” So do yourself a favor.

Choose the dog.

10. Bring a dog that poops and pees all over the house
9. Bring wine coolers
8. Bring a friend that nobody knows yet roots for the other team…and talks too much
7. Say “Anyone wanna split a salad?”
6. Refer to “uniforms” as “outfits”
5. Hang out in “the other room” and talk about my book
4. Say “Does anyone wanna practice taking quarterback snaps at halftime? I’ll be the center!”
3. Eat a frozen banana while watching the game
2. Say “Let’s hold hands on 4th and 10…y’know… for good luck.”
1. Say “I would totally let my wife hook up with Tom Brady, as long as I could hook up with Leonardo Di Caprio.”

Following on the heels of yesterday’s exciting release of prisoners in North Korea, I wanted to recap an upcoming wetreat. You may have read about this in the past…

For some, danger is a thrill that beats even the biggest buzz. For others, danger causes angst, fear, and an excessive need to pee. Danger is powerful if used effectively. Said Nietzsche, “The secret of reaping the greatest fruitfulness and the greatest enjoyment from life is to live dangerously.”  How does danger affect you?  I’d like to offer you the opportunity to find out. IN the wake of the launch of my book, I’m excited to announce a yoga retreat I’ll be leading in early 2010. Following on the success of Yoga + Chocolate, Yoga + Wine, and Yoga + Snow comes the next chapter in the journey:  YOGA + DANGER. We’ll be headed to none other than the danger capital of the world:  North Korea. Yes! I’ve secured 10 visas thru a Canandian Travel Company to enter the forbidden land also known as the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea.

We will begin on a 4 stop plane ride starting in Los Angeles, connecting in Tokyo, connecting in Seoul, arriving in Pyongyang. If you haven’t yet bonded in the 37 hour plane ride, hold your horses because we’ll just be getting started. Upon arrival, we will check in to the Moonstar Plaza Hotel which has a stunning view of the demilitarized zone. You’ll enjoy evening rations of water while staring out your window at gorgeous moonlit silhouettes of soldiers staring down their barrels. That is just an appetizer of the danger yet to come. We will awaken the following morning for a yoga class in a real live bomb shelter in the hotel basement. After yoga, we will enjoy a morning breakfast of raisins and low-grade Russian vodka.  Soon thereafter, our “handler” will lead us on a tour of downtown Pyongyang where we will have a chance to view monuments to the fallen leader Kim Il Sung.

You might be asking, “Why would I want to spend my vacation in a bomb shelter eating raisens and low-grade Russian Vodka when I can be chilling on Vinnie Marino’s  yoga trip to the beach in Tulum?”

Just wait. My daily yoga classes will feature themes on communism, pain, and heartbreak all of which will blend in perfectly to the stark surroundings.  Other featured events will include an evening of deep stretch yoga set in the foothills overlooking the border to China. As people attempt to escape over the border, we will watch from the cobbler’s pose and root them on using our thoughts and pure Shakti power. Danger will be everywhere and I will teach skills and breathing techniques to stay calm amidst the force of North Korea’s 1.1 million person army.  If you feel something poking your back, that won’t be a private part of your favorite male yoga teacher; it’ll be a North Korean soldier poking the cold barrel of a Russian manufactured AK-47 into your shoulder. But if this still is not danger enough for your thick skin; there’s more!

The climactic moment will be our arranged meeting with current North Korean leader Kim Jong-Il. We have been warned to dress in a certain way and greet the leader as “if we were greeting God Himself.”  Get this. My friend dressed up his young son as Kim Jong-Il for this past Halloween(see above photo). I thought it was such a brilliant idea. So everyone on the retreat will also dress up as Kim Jong-Il to greet the leader. It will be a great surprise. And hey, what’s the worst thing that can happen to us?  It’s dangerous and danger is the name the game for our 4 death-defying nights in this dark corner of the world.

If this trip sounds like a bit much for you, I’d at least like you to consider your relationship with danger. Don’t be scared.  As Winston Churchill said, “Danger; if you meet it promptly and without flinching; you will reduce the danger by half. Never run away from anything. Never!”

So starting next month, I am instituting the Yeah Dave In-Class Services (TM)  program. It’s my way of providing you, my students, with a more luxurious yoga experience. I will offer you the opportunity to pay for all the extras we know and love. Yes they were free in the past but as Thoreau said, “There are no fixtures in nature. The universe is fluid and volatile.” Change is the name of the game.

Following is a preview of your Yeah Dave In-Class Services TM Menu.

In-class acknowledgement (TM): $.75
Block service (delivered to your mat): $2.50
Down Dog push:   $5.00
Forward Fold shoulder rub:  $6.50
Savasana Blanket Service (delivered to your mat): $8.95
Savasana Foot Rub:   $12.00
Savasana Head Massage:  $14.00
Happy Baby spread:   $18.00
In-class acknowledgement (TM) by your name: $19.75 (names are tough)
Mulabandha Plug:  $29.95
Savasana Mystery Package:  $95.00

Here’s how it works. Upon launch of the Yeah Dave In-Class Services TM program on August 1, 2009, I will take orders in the 10 minutes preceding class. Before you even have a chance to ask, let me answer what I’m sure is the #1 question. “YES!” you will be able to access the Yeah Dave In-Class Services TM program online for pre-orders and receive discounts as much as 2% off regular price. And by signing up for Yeah Dave In-Class Services’ (TM) Furry Fridays(TM) , I’ll update you with special sales on head massages, foot rubs, and occasional in-class acknowledgments (TM)** free of charge.

I tested the program in a recent class and was understandably met with some resistance. The lady in the above photo said, “F-ck this. I’ll just take Shiva’s class. or Seane Corn’s class. or Saul David Raye’s class. They’re famous and they don’t charge for extras.” Let’s just say she didn’t receive too much attention that class.

Another person said, “Yes, I’ll take the Savasana Mystery package, the mulabandha plug, block service, and is licking on the menu you sunuvabitch?! You should be fired. If John Friend only knew about this!”  The answer is no. No licking.

Another person was a bit more pleasant and said, “Oh wonderful, this is long overdue.  I think I’ll go with 3 down dog pushes, blanket service, and the Mystery package. And do you accept credit cards?” The answer is yes, Discover and JCB.

*****

After reading the above, I know what you must be thinking and I agree: with so many choices, how can one possibly decide?

Recent research on happiness proves that too many choices lead to unhappiness and anxiety. We’ve all taken that yoga class where the teacher says the dreaded words: “Everybody grab a partner!” Is it me or does that give you anxiety?  A stranger (let alone a man in tights) touching you? And then you have to figure out what the heck you’re supposed to be doin’ with this stranger as the godforsaken teacher walks around the room surveying their disaster-in-progress? Too much to think about it.

Life is easier (and the science shows) people are happier with less choices. As Da Vinci said, “Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.” I love how Wayne Dyer gave away all of his possessions.  Keep it simple!  I was deeply inspired by Trey Anastasio of Phish burning his entire CD collection. How liberating!

If you think there’s room for greater happiness in your life, consider the simpler approach. Give stuff away, dare to let go, take a step toward a more primitive lifestyle.  Which is the perfect segue to the debut of my very first Yeah Dave Apres-Class Service:

My Primitive Lifestyle Retreat at the Luxurious Mii Amo Spa taking place December 3-6                                         $2100

**Yeah Dave Furry Fridays’ occasional free in-class acknowledgements ™ do not include your name for which there is a $1.00 surcharge

“I love your book,” my friend told me as we walked the streets of NY before my launch party last week.

I was stoked and said, “Awesome! High five?!” while holding out my hand.

“I don’t do high fives,” she responded.

I’d never heard such a thing. That’s almost as bad as hearing another say, “I hate Bob Marley” or… “Actually I’m a man.”

After a cool down period, I asked, “Why no high fives?”

It turns out that she was scarred by an ex-boyfriend who could not come to climax during sex unless she continuously high-fived him throughout.

How could you blame her?

After further recollection, I’ve come to realize that many people I know have complained of their partners’ or ex-partners’ strange sexual fetishes. From nipple-biting to asparagus-feathering to paddle-slapping, human beings can be dirty, raw creatures. If it’s not you, it’s your neighbor. And if it’s not your neighbor, it’s your friend…usually the guy with the moose knuckle.

Why do so many resort to such odd behavior?  Let’s face it. We have a weird relationship with touch that begins from the time we are born. As babies in the womb, we are surrounded by the warm amniotic fluid, the soothing beat of the heart, the loving vibrations of the mother’s energy. in some indigenous cultures, upon entering the world,  a baby remains in skin-to-skin contact with the mother for up to 90% of the time during the first months of life.*

In Western culture, babies spend much of their time in the stroller, car seat, or crib…removed from the touch to which they grow accustomed in the womb.  It only gets worse as we get older. When’s the last time you received a loving touch whether from a spouse, child, pooch, or friend?

Even when clothed in luxurious garments and the finest jewels, a touch-deprived soul thirsts as desperately for nourishment as a starving man caked in squalor. As we’re all learning oh so clearly, desperate times call for desperate measures.

High five?!

Playlist from My Yoga Class on 3-25-09

Talk to You Tracy Chapman
Don’t Come Around Here No More Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers
Say Hey (I Love You) Michael Franti & Spearhead
True to Myself Ziggy Marley & The Melody Makers
Sita Ram Girish
One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer John Lee Hooker
Shelter from the Storm Bob Dylan
Fade Into You Mazzy Star
Foreplay/Long Time Boston
Square One Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers

*inspired by Natural History of The Senses