Beautiful

Following on the heels of yesterday’s exciting release of prisoners in North Korea, I wanted to recap an upcoming wetreat. You may have read about this in the past…

For some, danger is a thrill that beats even the biggest buzz. For others, danger causes angst, fear, and an excessive need to pee. Danger is powerful if used effectively. Said Nietzsche, “The secret of reaping the greatest fruitfulness and the greatest enjoyment from life is to live dangerously.”  How does danger affect you?  I’d like to offer you the opportunity to find out. IN the wake of the launch of my book, I’m excited to announce a yoga retreat I’ll be leading in early 2010. Following on the success of Yoga + Chocolate, Yoga + Wine, and Yoga + Snow comes the next chapter in the journey:  YOGA + DANGER. We’ll be headed to none other than the danger capital of the world:  North Korea. Yes! I’ve secured 10 visas thru a Canandian Travel Company to enter the forbidden land also known as the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea.

We will begin on a 4 stop plane ride starting in Los Angeles, connecting in Tokyo, connecting in Seoul, arriving in Pyongyang. If you haven’t yet bonded in the 37 hour plane ride, hold your horses because we’ll just be getting started. Upon arrival, we will check in to the Moonstar Plaza Hotel which has a stunning view of the demilitarized zone. You’ll enjoy evening rations of water while staring out your window at gorgeous moonlit silhouettes of soldiers staring down their barrels. That is just an appetizer of the danger yet to come. We will awaken the following morning for a yoga class in a real live bomb shelter in the hotel basement. After yoga, we will enjoy a morning breakfast of raisins and low-grade Russian vodka.  Soon thereafter, our “handler” will lead us on a tour of downtown Pyongyang where we will have a chance to view monuments to the fallen leader Kim Il Sung.

You might be asking, “Why would I want to spend my vacation in a bomb shelter eating raisens and low-grade Russian Vodka when I can be chilling on Vinnie Marino’s  yoga trip to the beach in Tulum?”

Just wait. My daily yoga classes will feature themes on communism, pain, and heartbreak all of which will blend in perfectly to the stark surroundings.  Other featured events will include an evening of deep stretch yoga set in the foothills overlooking the border to China. As people attempt to escape over the border, we will watch from the cobbler’s pose and root them on using our thoughts and pure Shakti power. Danger will be everywhere and I will teach skills and breathing techniques to stay calm amidst the force of North Korea’s 1.1 million person army.  If you feel something poking your back, that won’t be a private part of your favorite male yoga teacher; it’ll be a North Korean soldier poking the cold barrel of a Russian manufactured AK-47 into your shoulder. But if this still is not danger enough for your thick skin; there’s more!

The climactic moment will be our arranged meeting with current North Korean leader Kim Jong-Il. We have been warned to dress in a certain way and greet the leader as “if we were greeting God Himself.”  Get this. My friend dressed up his young son as Kim Jong-Il for this past Halloween(see above photo). I thought it was such a brilliant idea. So everyone on the retreat will also dress up as Kim Jong-Il to greet the leader. It will be a great surprise. And hey, what’s the worst thing that can happen to us?  It’s dangerous and danger is the name the game for our 4 death-defying nights in this dark corner of the world.

If this trip sounds like a bit much for you, I’d at least like you to consider your relationship with danger. Don’t be scared.  As Winston Churchill said, “Danger; if you meet it promptly and without flinching; you will reduce the danger by half. Never run away from anything. Never!”

Being a frequent traveler, I’ve grown accustomed to the airlines’ industrious transition. They charge you for baggage, charge you for drinks, charge you for food, charge you for an exit row seat. Flying to Dallas a few months ago, I had a revelation. After paying the stewardess $13.00 for a bologna sandwich on Wonder Bread, I thought to myself, “Only while flying through the air 500 mph in a hollow tube would I be willing to pay for bologna on white. Hmmm, maybe my yoga students could benefit from a similar program.”

So starting next month, I am instituting the Yeah Dave In-Class Services (TM)  program. It’s my way of providing you, my students, with a more luxurious yoga experience. I will offer you the opportunity to pay for all the extras we know and love. Yes they were free in the past but as Thoreau said, “There are no fixtures in nature. The universe is fluid and volatile.” Change is the name of the game.

Following is a preview of your Yeah Dave In-Class Services TM Menu.

In-class acknowledgement (TM): $.75
Block service (delivered to your mat): $2.50
Down Dog push:   $5.00
Forward Fold shoulder rub:  $6.50
Savasana Blanket Service (delivered to your mat): $8.95
Savasana Foot Rub:   $12.00
Savasana Head Massage:  $14.00
Happy Baby spread:   $18.00
In-class acknowledgement (TM) by your name: $19.75 (names are tough)
Mulabandha Plug:  $29.95
Savasana Mystery Package:  $95.00

Here’s how it works. Upon launch of the Yeah Dave In-Class Services TM program on August 1, 2009, I will take orders in the 10 minutes preceding class. Before you even have a chance to ask, let me answer what I’m sure is the #1 question. “YES!” you will be able to access the Yeah Dave In-Class Services TM program online for pre-orders and receive discounts as much as 2% off regular price. And by signing up for Yeah Dave In-Class Services’ (TM) Furry Fridays(TM) , I’ll update you with special sales on head massages, foot rubs, and occasional in-class acknowledgments (TM)** free of charge.

I tested the program in a recent class and was understandably met with some resistance. The lady in the above photo said, “F-ck this. I’ll just take Shiva’s class. or Seane Corn’s class. or Saul David Raye’s class. They’re famous and they don’t charge for extras.” Let’s just say she didn’t receive too much attention that class.

Another person said, “Yes, I’ll take the Savasana Mystery package, the mulabandha plug, block service, and is licking on the menu you sunuvabitch?! You should be fired. If John Friend only knew about this!”  The answer is no. No licking.

Another person was a bit more pleasant and said, “Oh wonderful, this is long overdue.  I think I’ll go with 3 down dog pushes, blanket service, and the Mystery package. And do you accept credit cards?” The answer is yes, Discover and JCB.

*****

After reading the above, I know what you must be thinking and I agree: with so many choices, how can one possibly decide?

Recent research on happiness proves that too many choices lead to unhappiness and anxiety. We’ve all taken that yoga class where the teacher says the dreaded words: “Everybody grab a partner!” Is it me or does that give you anxiety?  A stranger (let alone a man in tights) touching you? And then you have to figure out what the heck you’re supposed to be doin’ with this stranger as the godforsaken teacher walks around the room surveying their disaster-in-progress? Too much to think about it.

Life is easier (and the science shows) people are happier with less choices. As Da Vinci said, “Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.” I love how Wayne Dyer gave away all of his possessions.  Keep it simple!  I was deeply inspired by Trey Anastasio of Phish burning his entire CD collection. How liberating!

If you think there’s room for greater happiness in your life, consider the simpler approach. Give stuff away, dare to let go, take a step toward a more primitive lifestyle.  Which is the perfect segue to the debut of my very first Yeah Dave Apres-Class Service:

My Primitive Lifestyle Retreat at the Luxurious Mii Amo Spa taking place December 3-6                                         $2100

**Yeah Dave Furry Fridays’ occasional free in-class acknowledgements ™ do not include your name for which there is a $1.00 surcharge

“I love your book,” my friend told me as we walked the streets of NY before my launch party last week.

I was stoked and said, “Awesome! High five?!” while holding out my hand.

“I don’t do high fives,” she responded.

I’d never heard such a thing. That’s almost as bad as hearing another say, “I hate Bob Marley” or… “Actually I’m a man.”

After a cool down period, I asked, “Why no high fives?”

It turns out that she was scarred by an ex-boyfriend who could not come to climax during sex unless she continuously high-fived him throughout.

How could you blame her?

After further recollection, I’ve come to realize that many people I know have complained of their partners’ or ex-partners’ strange sexual fetishes. From nipple-biting to asparagus-feathering to paddle-slapping, human beings can be dirty, raw creatures. If it’s not you, it’s your neighbor. And if it’s not your neighbor, it’s your friend…usually the guy with the moose knuckle.

Why do so many resort to such odd behavior?  Let’s face it. We have a weird relationship with touch that begins from the time we are born. As babies in the womb, we are surrounded by the warm amniotic fluid, the soothing beat of the heart, the loving vibrations of the mother’s energy. in some indigenous cultures, upon entering the world,  a baby remains in skin-to-skin contact with the mother for up to 90% of the time during the first months of life.*

In Western culture, babies spend much of their time in the stroller, car seat, or crib…removed from the touch to which they grow accustomed in the womb.  It only gets worse as we get older. When’s the last time you received a loving touch whether from a spouse, child, pooch, or friend?

Even when clothed in luxurious garments and the finest jewels, a touch-deprived soul thirsts as desperately for nourishment as a starving man caked in squalor. As we’re all learning oh so clearly, desperate times call for desperate measures.

High five?!

Playlist from My Yoga Class on 3-25-09

Talk to You Tracy Chapman
Don’t Come Around Here No More Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers
Say Hey (I Love You) Michael Franti & Spearhead
True to Myself Ziggy Marley & The Melody Makers
Sita Ram Girish
One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer John Lee Hooker
Shelter from the Storm Bob Dylan
Fade Into You Mazzy Star
Foreplay/Long Time Boston
Square One Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers

*inspired by Natural History of The Senses

Beautiful moment:    12-06-08   Sedona, Arizona

The other day I was eating lunch with my mom in LA when two odd-looking men walked by.

“Mom did you see those guys? Those were time-travelers,” i insisited.

“What are you talking about? Are you high on pot?”

“No mom, I swear those guys were wearing weird clothes and looked dazed and confused.”

“You’re too old to smoke pot. It’s time to settle down. I want grandchildren.”

“You don’t believe in time travelers mom?”

“I’m not gonna answer these stupid questions anymore. It was cute when you were 12 but it’s not cute when you’re 35. Enough.”

Maybe you’re like my mom and don’t believe. But I believe there are time-travelers everywhere