Funny

I recently had a particularly chatty group of people in the front row of my yoga class. One aspect of a strong yoga teacher is their ability to control the classroom. So….I tried several tactics to get these chatty people to quiet down.

–First I kept it light, “Can we all just let the breath take over?”
–Then I added some punch, “Anyone know how to say ‘diarrhea of the mouth’ in Sanskrit?”
–Then I tried to scare them, “Did you read that report on Huppington Post saying that people who talk a lot in yoga class are 60% more likely to develop genital herpes?”

But they kept talking so I laid down the hammer with a, “SSSSHHHH!”

It’s one of the worst things to happen to you. Whether from your husband, friend, yoga teacher, or exotic dancer, getting sssshhhhed is embarrassing, demeaning, hurtful, and effective. But sometimes it does us all a little good to get Sssshhhhhed (with a capital ‘S’)…to have our sometimes petty worries, issues, neuroses and fears put in their proper place!

*****

I woke up this morning listening to a radio report about, Irshad Kassim, a local bank director, who changed his mind about taking the Pakistani Airblue plane that crashed in Islamabad yesterday; all 152 people on board were killed.  Kassim recalls, “I was on the flight, booked and confirmed — and I was going to take the flight. I decided at 6 o’ clock not to because of the weather.”

Hearing this story was a SSSSSSHHHHHH moment. Nothing else mattered, everything was silenced…even my craving for caffeine.  I wanted and needed to hear more about this Irshad Kissam. And I’d be intrigued to know if he’ll have a renewed “raison d’etre,” a fire to fulfill some deeper calling in life. Just as I’d be intrigued to see what becomes of a 13 year old girl named Bahia (see photo) who was the only person to survive a plane crash in the stormy Indian Ocean in June 2009.

Bahia could barely swim and didn’t have a life jacket. Her plane – an Airbus 310 with 153 people on board – crashed in rough weather while preparing to land in the Comorros, the tiny island nation. Bahia was rescued after clinging to debris for around 12 hours in shark-infested waters.  According to Bahia’s father, it’s not like she was this powerful athlete or leader. He said, “She is a very, very shy girl. I would never have thought she would have survived like this. I can’t say that it’s a miracle, I can say that it is God’s will.”

These stories are the most powerful kind of SSSSSHHHHH moments. Silencing our chatty minds and our buzzing emotions, they reveal a clarity rare to humans not living in monasteries or ashrams. This clarity whispers to us as it screamed to Irshad Kassim and 13 year old Bahia. Wake up! Get your priorities in order. Most importantly, “Don’t live. Love…And live incidentally.”

Given the popularity of yoga, the number of yoga entrepreneurs and companies who have struck it rich (really rich) is surprisingly small.  Soon you’ll be able to add David Romanelli to that list because I have come up with an idea that is freakin’ awesome.   The Yoga Scarf otherwise known as The Y’Arf (see photo of Y’Arf prototype also featuring Gibson…now 6 months old).

After seeing a preponderance of people wiping their sweaty faces in yoga, I figured it would be wonderful to have a sweat towel that you wear around your neck. Retailing for only $74.99, the Y’Arf will be an available in many styles. There will be spiritual Y’Arfs with screen printed images of the deities (ie Shiva), lewd Y’Arfs with fun quotes like “I get wet when I sweat,” and officially licensed Y’Arfs with images of stars like the vampire couple from Twilight.

Bastardizing yoga you say?

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I truly believe that this past Tuesday, June 22, was the day yoga was born into mainstream American culture. Approximately 12,000 yogis showed up in Central Park for Yoga on the Great Lawn (see photos below). It’s not just big events in big cities. Yoga has stretched and wrapped into every nook and cranny of this nation. Last week I taught a workshop in the beautiful, quaint town of Ft. Wayne, Indiana.  Ft. Wayne is now a yoga town with 5 studios and counting. People love yoga in Ft. Wayne no less than they love it in New York, Dallas, Chicago and LA. Critical mass is approaching. The yoga gold rush is just now kicking into gear. Wait til the Walmarts and Targets get in the game and watch things really take off.

As much as us Americans want to embrace yoga’s purist ways, the truth is…that which makes us American is our entrepreneurial spirit.  What the world hates about us is also what the world loves about us. Or as one former President said, “There is nothing wrong with America that cannot be cured by what is right with America.”

So hurry up! Grab your Guru Mat, Be Present pants, copy of my book, and of course…your Y’Arf.  The race is on!  Oh yeah, don’t forget to breathe. Please don’t forget to breathe.

Men fear it. Women love it. Children live and breathe it. Cuddling. This past week I instituted it into my Savasana adjustment series. Along with the head massage and foot rub, on occasion I’ll slide next to a few lucky students (female) for a cuddle. Some of the warm and wonderful comments I’ve heard:

“This is nice. But you smell.”

“My husband is on the mat just to our left.”

“Um, ah, I hate this.”

“Actually I’m a man.”

Oh cuddling. What a wonderful expression of love. In that perfect moment of comfort, to wrap your arms and legs around another. But for one reason or another, “cuddle” is not a word that men use around other men. In fact, “cuddle” is one of the Top 5 Least Used Words Amongst Straight Men in addition to “feather,” “dinky,” “hunk,” and “teeny.”

Just as a test, while watching the NBA Finals the other night, I left early and when harassed as to where I was going, I said in one groundbreaking sentence to my buddies, “Gotta get home and find a place to cuddle because the feather mattress this dinky hunk dropped off earlier today is way too teeny.”

Not sure where I’m gonna be watching tonight’s game.

*****

But wait, to dudes out there for whom this blog is getting too touch-feely, consider a
NY Times article on touch which reported that the most successful sports teams “tended to be touchier than bad ones. The most touch-bonded teams were the Boston Celtics and the Los Angeles Lakers, currently two of the league’s top teams; at the bottom were the mediocre Sacramento Kings and Charlotte Bobcats.” Why? A warm touch releases oxytocin, thus enhancing trust.

This same article reported that humans have a much more articulate sense of touch than previously imagined.  In an experiment, volunteers tried to communicate a list of emotions by touching a blindfolded stranger. The participants were able to communicate eight distinct emotions, from gratitude to disgust to love, with about 70 percent accuracy.

Touch nourishes a human being in ways and places that words and gifts could never reach.  So next time you’re seeking a special gift on a special day, consider the cuddle. As Shel Silverstein said, “I will not play tug o’ war. I’d rather play hug o’ war. Where everyone hugs instead of tugs, where everyone giggles and rolls on the rug, where everyone kisses and everyone grins, and everyone cuddles and everyone wins.”

She is a student named Laura from Yuma and she only practices yoga on her left side. In other words, instead of doing warrior 1 on the right side and then the left side, she’ll do it twice on the left. I actually went up to her when she took my yoga class and said quietly, “I think you forgot to do the right side.” She replied, “That’s why they call me Lefty Laura.”

In another class, I went up to her and in a very loving way tried to guide her into the twisting triangle pose on the right side. She looked at me, smiled, and again said “I’m Lefty Laura.” I replied respectfully, “You already told me that, but what does it mean? Something is wrong with your right side, right?” She answered, “Right? No Left. I’m Lefty Laura.”

Hmmmm, maybe she was mental? Or possibly she had a stroke and didn’t have access to her right side. Or maybe she’s just flat our weird? So I started researching lefties. The science suggests left-handed people as a group have historically produced an above-average quota of high achievers. In fact, of the 7 most recent US Presidents, 4 have been left-handed, including Barack Obama, and one was ambidextrous. Australian research shows that left-handed people think more quickly when playing computer games or sports. Left-handed people also tend to earn more money. And most interestingly, research from Canada reveals this interesting quality of left-handed people: they’re more likely to be homosexual.*

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I know what you must be thinking and I agree, if in fact it’s not just Lefty Laura but Lesbo Lefty Laura, who the heck cares?! All the power to her! We’re always trying to break down statistics on righties and lefties, gay people and straight people, red-heads and blonds, short people and tall people. Our society is increasingly based on information and proof and less on dreaming and the imagination. And that is not good for our happiness.

According to Eric Weiner, author of Geography of Bliss, the people of Iceland are some of the happiest people in the world because of their ability to relinquish the need to know. Icelanders tend to believe in strange things like dwarfs and fairies, regardless of whether or not there are any statistics to prove their existence. As Weiner goes on to describe, “a pinch of self-delusion and naivete” are important ingredients in the happiness recipe.

So I’ve decided to let Lefty Laura do her thing. I don’t need to know why she only practices on the left. Some of the energy I spend thinking, is better spent dreaming. As a wise one said, “Live in the glory of your imagination, not your memories.”