“Wait what? What time is it?” you ask in a half-stupor.

“Well, ah, um, I wanna see how you’d feel about my using my Hall Pass tonight. I’m at a club with the girls, and you’re never gonna believe this but Alexander Skarsgard totally has a thing for me,” she tells you excitedly…and disturbingly.

“Alexander Skarsgard? The guy who plays for the Rangers?” you inquire, confused.

“No he’s an actor, the guy who plays Eric from the show True Blood.  Very sexy, has a great body. I’ve had this recurring dream of him rubbing lotion all over me…but that’s beside the point,” she tells you.

“What the f—k? So he wants to hook up with you? He told you that?” you grumble.

“You’re never gonna believe this but he told me he wants to take me back to his suite at the Wynn and make love to me all freakin night long! Can you believe it? How awesome is that?!” she shouts with the sound of her friends high-fiving her in the background.

“Awesome?? This is a joke right!?” you scream.

“Listen honey, forget the diamond earrings you were gonna get me for our anniversary.  Just say it’s ok for me to be with Eric from True Blood for one night and that can be my anniversary, Christmas, and birthday present all wrapped as one…and…you totally have my permission to hook up with my friend Jill Uberstein who I know you have a crush on.”

“Jill Uberstein? Your friend with the hairy face and mustache? You think I have a crush on her? Oh my God seriously?!?” you ask, dumbfounded.

“Ok honey, gotta go, thank you so so so so so so so so so much. Love you!”

*****

Truthfully, I could never pull off the Hall Pass exchange. I couldn’t imagine my beloved in the arms of a yoga teacher, pro athlete, rock star, or actor. Does that make me weak and the guy who can pull off the Hall Pass exchange strong? Or is this whole thing about monogamy really just a joke and 10,000 years from now, people will scoff at marriage as a social relic?

Scientists are putting increasing emphasis on a mysterious creature in nature that suggests a life of polyamorous loving might actually be better for society. The Bonobos are a type of ape with whom we share 98% of our genetic code. Bonobos are remarkably harmonious and caring,  with no intergroup killing, let alone any instances of hostile or violent behaviors toward one another. Scientists attribute 2 main factors to Bonobos’ peaceful nature:  a matriarchal society… and non-monagomous, polyamorous, widespread sex.

Hmmmm, sounds interesting. Should you choose to go the way of the Bonobos, let me know how it goes. While the idea of multiple partners is fun to talk (and fantasize) about, and while I do love the show True Blood, I don’t love it (let alone anything or anyone…even copious amounts of sex) enough to let another dude dip his fangs into my girlfriend. Actually, my fiancée. Got engaged yesterday. The shot below was taken by a photograher hiding in the bushes (:

“Heyyyyy, what a surprise, you look great! If it wasn’t for your gray hair, I’d totally think you were still in your twenties,” I stated enthusiastically.

“Yeah Dave,” she said angrily mocking my supposedly positive nickname.

As class ended, and she was rolling up her mat, I again shared my thoughts, “I really admire you, seriously, for going with gray. Most women would cover that up and it’s so awesome how true you are to yourself!”

I don’t think she wanted me bringing it up…another time. Evidently, thirtysomething women don’t like to be told they have gray hair, especially by men.

She just looked at me, and I felt like Sookie Stackhouse from the TV show True Blood, able to read her mind. I was certain she was thinking, “David Romanelli is a fu-kface, Why did I come here?” And then amazingly, she actually said,  “David Romanelli. You’re a fu-kface. Why did I come here?”

*****

We are so youth-obsessed in America to the extent that gray hair is perceived as a negative thing.  In fact, 75% of American women color their hair. Look up “cover gray hair” on Google and you’ll get 8,180,000 results.

One place in the world where things are different (very different) is the Caucasus region of southern Russia in a place called Abkhazia. Its has an extraordinary amount of centenarians.  Abkhazians are considered more beautiful in their old age than in their youth. To tell an elder Abkhazian that she looks young is considered an insult. To tell the same person “You’re looking old today” is a compliment.   Wrinkles are battle scars, the coolest of cool in the land of Abkhazia. Can you imagine if I would have said to the college friend mentioned above, “Not only do I love your gray hair but your wrinkles are freakin fabulous!”?

So here’s the question. If you are going to great lengths to hide your wrinkles and gray hairs, is that really healthy? Not to say changing your hair color is bad. But what is bad getting down on yourself about a streak of gray, or a new crease on your brow, or a little extra blubber on your belly.  As a wise one said, “Youth is not entirely a time of life—it is a state of mind. It is not wholly a matter of ripe cheeks, red lips or supple knees. It is a temper of the will, a quality of the imagination, a vigor of the emotions…” ]]> http://www.yeahdave.com/2010/08/28/gray-haired-women-are-sexy/feed/ 0 http://www.yeahdave.com/2010/08/21/the-schtick-eat-pray-love-hate/ http://www.yeahdave.com/2010/08/21/the-schtick-eat-pray-love-hate/#comments Sat, 21 Aug 2010 18:22:25 +0000 yeahdave http://www.yeahdave.com/?p=2778 My favorite thing to do over the past few weeks has been to half-jokingly invite my guy friends to see Eat, Pray, Love. The responses have ranged from the mild “My wife is begging me to see that” to the uncomfortable “I’m a heterosexual” to the alarmingly homophobic “You *&#ass yoga freak!” I’m a heterosexual male; and I’ve met a lot of resistance in having a mature conversation with other men about how much I enjoyed the book Eat, Pray, Love. 

I’m gonna go so far as to say that Eat, Pray, Love is the defining moment for homophobia in the modern day.  To be a man and say you loved the book and invite a homophobic man to go see the movie is more offensive than trying to hold his hand or telling him you love his “outfit,” or worst of all, inviting him to “grab some fro-yo after the game.”  (fro-yo is short for frozen yogurt)

*****
According to a recent NY Times article, there is a growing body of research supporting the notion “that homophobia in some men could be a reaction to their own homosexual impulses.”  The article goes on to say “many heterosexual men see this, and they don’t want to be associated with it. It’s like being antigay is becoming the old gay. Not cool.”  Hey, maybe Eat, Pray, Love isn’t so bad after all? 

Of course, it’s not just “chick” books that some men are adverse to. While a growing population of men now practice yoga, let’s be honest, many still think it’s wuss and something for women, effeminate men, and “stretchy homos.”  I’ve got some advice for the tough, single guys out there.  Go on a YOGA RETREAT. Research shows that attendees of yoga retreats are 84% women, 72% of whom would love to meet a man.
Actually, better than going on a yoga retreat, grab a copy of Eat, Pray, Love; a rolled up yoga mat; a puppy; and a journal. Go sit in your nearby Starbucks, and watch what happens.  You’ll undoubtedly be a magnet. Just who will you attract?  Homophobes, you might be in for a surprise.

*****

When the North Korean soccer team returned home after a disappointing showing at the recent World Cup in South Africa, they were forced onto a stage at the People’s Palace of Culture and subjected to criticism from Pak Myong-chol, the sports minister, as 400 government officials, students and journalists watched (visit here to read more). Worst of all, North Korea’s soccer coach Kim Jong-Hun was put to shame and punished by being sentenced to forced labor as a builder. One can only imagine how much those North Korean soccer players and coach aspired to react like Stephen Slater. 

It’s not just the North Korean soccer team or the entire North Korean population of 23 million who lack the freedom to speak out. According to Anti-Slavery International, the world’s oldest human rights organization, there are currently over 20 million people in bondage. Modern-day slaves can be found laboring as servants or concubines in Sudan, as child “carpet slaves” in India, or as cane-cutters in Haiti and southern Pakistan.

As Americans, we tend to take our freedom for granted.   Roosevelt said, “In the truest sense, freedom cannot be bestowed, it must be achieved.” Stephen Slater has become a strange sort of hero because he “achieved” freedom; but more importantly, because he reminds us, by the Grace of God, we are not North Korean soccer players, carpet slaves, cane-cutters, or concubines. We CAN take full advantage of our freedom by exercising it… by speaking out for what’s right…and sometimes, just sometimes…by speaking out against what’s wrong.

Following is a recent interview with Brock.

Q:  You were just down in the Gulf for a week. I know its hard to summarize but can you describe what you saw?

To be honest, I saw a clusterf–k.  Pardon my French, but it was rather infuriating.  I saw a whole lot of nothing going on.  The entire region is basically locked down like a crime scene, but it is being run by the criminal.  They have effectively sealed the perimeter to the spill site, not through law enforcement, nor a physical barrier, but through economic invasion.  Literally, they have bought up every piece of transportation out to the spill site.  I am talking about boat charters, captains, helicopters, aircraft, pilots,  you name it…  all been put on the payroll.  You can’t get out there without a small fortune or a massive connection.  If you were able to get up into the air for instance,  a minimum altitude ceiling of 3000 ft has been imposed.  At 3000 ft, a car looks like a dot.  Not a whole lot you can do to rescue turtles from that elevation.  They have also reserved every single hotel room within a two hour driving radius.  Now, of course, this could all be seen as economic aid to the folks who are hurting in the Gulf…  or it could be seen as a way to keep them quiet.

And then there is the media ban.  They have made it a felony offense carrying a 40,000 fine to be caught within 65 ft of any boom, oil, or distressed wildlife.  Whether you are john q public, or Anderson Cooper with a camera on your shoulder, you can’t legally cross the line.  Hence the massive retreat from the scene and the disappearance of news.  Now, did I encounter anything like that when i was down there?  No.  But it is a scare tactic.  Was i worried?  Yes, of course.  Do i think it has effectively scared other people off?  You betcha.  Now BP can control what is released in the press.  Hmmm…

Q:  It seems like in the newspapers and on TV that BP is gaining control of the situation. A cover story in The NY Times last week mentioned very few oil patches are now visible on the surface. Care to comment?

Dispersant.  The very same tactic they have used to bury information, they have used to bury evidence.  The dispersant’s job is to break up congealed oil on the surface of the sea and drive it down in the water table.  To sweep it under the rug.  Two problems with this:  a) now it becomes impossible to skim the oil off the surface to remove it, and b)  this is so much more harmful to all the critters and all life forms living in the ocean.  At least when it is crude oil on the surface, we know what we have to deal with, and it is organic matter.  Now we have this milky sludge synthetic & toxic chemical that we have slopped all over the gulf in excess of 2 million gallons.  Many of the animals that are dying are not showing signs of oil.  Instead, such as is the case with many dolphins, they are bleeding from their soft tissues, like around their mouth and blowhole, and writhing in pain.  The dispersant is akin to napalm.  And it has got to be stopped.

Q:  What’s the next step in your mission? How much are you trying to raise and what will you do with the money?

The next step is get back to the gulf, buy a boat, and get out in the water to save endangered sea turtles.  To do this I need to raise $100,000.  So far through the grace of the yoga community I have raised close to 15k!  thank you yogis!  Every single cent put into this project goes to direct action.  Into the equipment needed to make this possible.  My fear in donating to large organizations is that your money never really gets to the place that you intended.  With this project, which we have titled operation kurmalliance, there are no overhead costs, no salaries, no guy sitting in an office on a computer,  none of that.  Just direct action, because we believe in the power of individuals to make a difference.  I will make a difference in the gulf.  One turtle at a time!  Maybe you can help me?

To get in touch with Brock:  brock@gravitycowboy.com

To donate now:  http://yogisanonymous.com/Events-kurmalliance.htm ]]> http://www.yeahdave.com/2010/08/03/yoga-hero-in-the-gulf-continued-save-the-dying-sea-turtles/feed/ 0 http://www.yeahdave.com/2010/07/30/people-who-talk-too-much-in-yoga-class/ http://www.yeahdave.com/2010/07/30/people-who-talk-too-much-in-yoga-class/#comments Fri, 30 Jul 2010 20:37:53 +0000 yeahdave http://www.yeahdave.com/?p=2714 I recently had a particularly chatty group of people in the front row of my yoga class. One aspect of a strong yoga teacher is their ability to control the classroom. So….I tried several tactics to get these chatty people to quiet down.

–First I kept it light, “Can we all just let the breath take over?”
–Then I added some punch, “Anyone know how to say ‘diarrhea of the mouth’ in Sanskrit?”
–Then I tried to scare them, “Did you read that report on Huppington Post saying that people who talk a lot in yoga class are 60% more likely to develop genital herpes?”

But they kept talking so I laid down the hammer with a, “SSSSHHHH!”

It’s one of the worst things to happen to you. Whether from your husband, friend, yoga teacher, or exotic dancer, getting sssshhhhed is embarrassing, demeaning, hurtful, and effective. But sometimes it does us all a little good to get Sssshhhhhed (with a capital ‘S’)…to have our sometimes petty worries, issues, neuroses and fears put in their proper place!

*****

I woke up this morning listening to a radio report about, Irshad Kassim, a local bank director, who changed his mind about taking the Pakistani Airblue plane that crashed in Islamabad yesterday; all 152 people on board were killed.  Kassim recalls, “I was on the flight, booked and confirmed — and I was going to take the flight. I decided at 6 o’ clock not to because of the weather.”

Hearing this story was a SSSSSSHHHHHH moment. Nothing else mattered, everything was silenced…even my craving for caffeine.  I wanted and needed to hear more about this Irshad Kissam. And I’d be intrigued to know if he’ll have a renewed “raison d’etre,” a fire to fulfill some deeper calling in life. Just as I’d be intrigued to see what becomes of a 13 year old girl named Bahia (see photo) who was the only person to survive a plane crash in the stormy Indian Ocean in June 2009.

Bahia could barely swim and didn’t have a life jacket. Her plane – an Airbus 310 with 153 people on board – crashed in rough weather while preparing to land in the Comorros, the tiny island nation. Bahia was rescued after clinging to debris for around 12 hours in shark-infested waters.  According to Bahia’s father, it’s not like she was this powerful athlete or leader. He said, “She is a very, very shy girl. I would never have thought she would have survived like this. I can’t say that it’s a miracle, I can say that it is God’s will.”

These stories are the most powerful kind of SSSSSHHHHH moments. Silencing our chatty minds and our buzzing emotions, they reveal a clarity rare to humans not living in monasteries or ashrams. This clarity whispers to us as it screamed to Irshad Kassim and 13 year old Bahia. Wake up! Get your priorities in order. Most importantly, “Don’t live. Love…And live incidentally.”

The tragedy in the Gulf is a whole other kind of gusher and LA yoga teacher Brock Cahill is one of the few willing not just to come close but to actually lead a mission and make an impact.  Brock has a particular fascination with sea turtles who are suffering a hellish fate, as we speak. BP is towing collection booms behind fishing trawlers to wrangle oil on the surface, and once collected, burn the oil to get rid of it. In the process, sea turtles, pelicans, fish, and anything close to or on the surface is being burned alive. Even if the burning stops, the turtles are embalmed in oil, and dying by the minute.

Leaving for the Gulf tomorrow, Brock is working fast and furious to raise the money to work with boat captain Mike Ellis (watch video).  Wearing a protective suit and ventilator, he will rescue the sea turtles one by one from the poisoned water.  Yes it’s just one man making the tiniest impact in a massive tragedy, but I believe Brock represents something much bigger. The earth is a living being… gushing, dirty, and hurting. As much as we want to help, many of us (myself included) realistically won’t come close. But let’s rally behind a man who will!

I encourage you to donate and support Brock’s mission:

–email him at: brock@gravitycowboy.com

—-to donate, check out the website:
http://yogisanonymous.com/Events-kurmalliance.htm

After seeing a preponderance of people wiping their sweaty faces in yoga, I figured it would be wonderful to have a sweat towel that you wear around your neck. Retailing for only $74.99, the Y’Arf will be an available in many styles. There will be spiritual Y’Arfs with screen printed images of the deities (ie Shiva), lewd Y’Arfs with fun quotes like “I get wet when I sweat,” and officially licensed Y’Arfs with images of stars like the vampire couple from Twilight.

Bastardizing yoga you say?

*****

I truly believe that this past Tuesday, June 22, was the day yoga was born into mainstream American culture. Approximately 12,000 yogis showed up in Central Park for Yoga on the Great Lawn (see photos below). It’s not just big events in big cities. Yoga has stretched and wrapped into every nook and cranny of this nation. Last week I taught a workshop in the beautiful, quaint town of Ft. Wayne, Indiana.  Ft. Wayne is now a yoga town with 5 studios and counting. People love yoga in Ft. Wayne no less than they love it in New York, Dallas, Chicago and LA. Critical mass is approaching. The yoga gold rush is just now kicking into gear. Wait til the Walmarts and Targets get in the game and watch things really take off.

As much as us Americans want to embrace yoga’s purist ways, the truth is…that which makes us American is our entrepreneurial spirit.  What the world hates about us is also what the world loves about us. Or as one former President said, “There is nothing wrong with America that cannot be cured by what is right with America.”

So hurry up! Grab your Guru Mat, Be Present pants, copy of my book, and of course…your Y’Arf.  The race is on!  Oh yeah, don’t forget to breathe. Please don’t forget to breathe.

Men fear it. Women love it. Children live and breathe it. Cuddling. This past week I instituted it into my Savasana adjustment series. Along with the head massage and foot rub, on occasion I’ll slide next to a few lucky students (female) for a cuddle. Some of the warm and wonderful comments I’ve heard:

“This is nice. But you smell.”

“My husband is on the mat just to our left.”

“Um, ah, I hate this.”

“Actually I’m a man.”

Oh cuddling. What a wonderful expression of love. In that perfect moment of comfort, to wrap your arms and legs around another. But for one reason or another, “cuddle” is not a word that men use around other men. In fact, “cuddle” is one of the Top 5 Least Used Words Amongst Straight Men in addition to “feather,” “dinky,” “hunk,” and “teeny.”

Just as a test, while watching the NBA Finals the other night, I left early and when harassed as to where I was going, I said in one groundbreaking sentence to my buddies, “Gotta get home and find a place to cuddle because the feather mattress this dinky hunk dropped off earlier today is way too teeny.”

Not sure where I’m gonna be watching tonight’s game.

*****

But wait, to dudes out there for whom this blog is getting too touch-feely, consider a
NY Times article on touch which reported that the most successful sports teams “tended to be touchier than bad ones. The most touch-bonded teams were the Boston Celtics and the Los Angeles Lakers, currently two of the league’s top teams; at the bottom were the mediocre Sacramento Kings and Charlotte Bobcats.” Why? A warm touch releases oxytocin, thus enhancing trust.

This same article reported that humans have a much more articulate sense of touch than previously imagined.  In an experiment, volunteers tried to communicate a list of emotions by touching a blindfolded stranger. The participants were able to communicate eight distinct emotions, from gratitude to disgust to love, with about 70 percent accuracy.

Touch nourishes a human being in ways and places that words and gifts could never reach.  So next time you’re seeking a special gift on a special day, consider the cuddle. As Shel Silverstein said, “I will not play tug o’ war. I’d rather play hug o’ war. Where everyone hugs instead of tugs, where everyone giggles and rolls on the rug, where everyone kisses and everyone grins, and everyone cuddles and everyone wins.”

She is a student named Laura from Yuma and she only practices yoga on her left side. In other words, instead of doing warrior 1 on the right side and then the left side, she’ll do it twice on the left. I actually went up to her when she took my yoga class and said quietly, “I think you forgot to do the right side.” She replied, “That’s why they call me Lefty Laura.”

In another class, I went up to her and in a very loving way tried to guide her into the twisting triangle pose on the right side. She looked at me, smiled, and again said “I’m Lefty Laura.” I replied respectfully, “You already told me that, but what does it mean? Something is wrong with your right side, right?” She answered, “Right? No Left. I’m Lefty Laura.”

Hmmmm, maybe she was mental? Or possibly she had a stroke and didn’t have access to her right side. Or maybe she’s just flat our weird? So I started researching lefties. The science suggests left-handed people as a group have historically produced an above-average quota of high achievers. In fact, of the 7 most recent US Presidents, 4 have been left-handed, including Barack Obama, and one was ambidextrous. Australian research shows that left-handed people think more quickly when playing computer games or sports. Left-handed people also tend to earn more money. And most interestingly, research from Canada reveals this interesting quality of left-handed people: they’re more likely to be homosexual.*

*****

I know what you must be thinking and I agree, if in fact it’s not just Lefty Laura but Lesbo Lefty Laura, who the heck cares?! All the power to her! We’re always trying to break down statistics on righties and lefties, gay people and straight people, red-heads and blonds, short people and tall people. Our society is increasingly based on information and proof and less on dreaming and the imagination. And that is not good for our happiness.

According to Eric Weiner, author of Geography of Bliss, the people of Iceland are some of the happiest people in the world because of their ability to relinquish the need to know. Icelanders tend to believe in strange things like dwarfs and fairies, regardless of whether or not there are any statistics to prove their existence. As Weiner goes on to describe, “a pinch of self-delusion and naivete” are important ingredients in the happiness recipe.

So I’ve decided to let Lefty Laura do her thing. I don’t need to know why she only practices on the left. Some of the energy I spend thinking, is better spent dreaming. As a wise one said, “Live in the glory of your imagination, not your memories.”