“Honesty is the first chapter in the book of wisdom.” Thomas Jefferson
We all lovingly remember when Janet Jackson was performing at the Super Bowl halftime show and her boobie popped out of her shirt. Let us not shy away from the reality that sometimes privates scream for attention. In some countries like Europe and the southern part of California known as Tijuana, nudity is not so taboo. But in more conservative places like Arizona, one best not wear their privates in public. Let me tell you a very true story.
Ten or so years ago, I was teaching yoga at a ritzy health club called the Gainey Village. I was not yet aware that certain yoga poses, when demonstrated by a man in loose fitting shorts, expose certain parts of the body. I happened to be wearing running shorts which leave room to breathe, if you know what I mean. To demonstrate a pose, I picked my leg by hooking by two big fingers around my big toe. And then I revolved my leg to the right. Watching the students suddenly amplified reactions, you’d have thought I did the most amazing pose ever.
One lady’s eyes just about popped out of the sockets. A man just rolled up his mat and left. Another lady looked at her friend and whispered something naughty. A different man in the back of the room also rolled up his mat and left. Yet another lady covered her eyes in disgust. A third man rolled up his mat and left.
I thought to myself, “Wow David, you are really busting out some sweet yoga moves. Or else these people are really new to the ancient practice and just can’t believe your amazing flexibility which must be over the top for these conservative male students.”
Little did I know.
A week later I was called into the office at the Gainey Village. The manager sat me down and hesitantly explained, “Ah, David. I, ah, got a complaint from a client, who, ah, took your yoga class. She, ah, said that she was offended by the, ah, revealing nature of your, ah, clothing.”
I didn’t understand.
The manager continued, “Little pinkie took a look around and we the staff at the Gainey Village need little pinkie to stay in your pants.”
But I still was unclear. Why was the manager being so abstract?
The manager continued, “I don’t know what shorts you wear to teach yoga but it sounds like they were of the Dolfin variety.”
But I still didn’t get it.
Finally, the manager blurted out angrily, “Keep your —- in your pants. If this happens again, I’ll personally lead you and little pinkie straight out the door!”
Now I understood. And boy was I embarrassed. It’s one thing to be reprimanded for showing up late for work or for performing poorly at work. But to be reprimanded for accidentally exposing your privates to an unsuspecting audience, that was the worst.
Soon thereafter, my good friend Max began calling me White Snake. And the rest is history.
Please don’t be offended. Nowadays, I am cautious to protect against another incident of pinkie peek-a-boo. We all make mistakes. I just want to be honest with you all and wear mine on my sleeve; or maybe I should say “thru my shorts.”
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